Love To Hate You
by teresa
Summary: My companion piece for To Finally Let Go, though it can stand alone. COMPLETED!
1. Meeting

Oh my!  What now?  The children are asleep.  But look!  There's nothing underneath.  No ghouls!  No witches here to scream and scare them or ensnare them, only little cozy things secure inside their dream land.  What's this?  The monsters are all missing and the nightmares can't be found!  And in their place there seems to be good feeling all around!  Instead of screams I swear I can hear music in the air!  The smell of cakes and pies are absolutely everywhere…Okay, here I was, excitedly typing up my super great ploterrific sequel to To Finally Let Go when a little voice in my head (I have a lot of those lately) is all like "Um…Teresa, I know _you_ understand the whole Kouga/Kagura relationship…but no one else will until you tell them…so won't this story not fully make sense?"  Stupid voice.  Always has to know more than me.  Thinks it's so clever.  Well just wait!  I'll show it!  So looks like I'm going to have to make sense and write _this_ story first.  Not like I'm that upset about writing this, it's just…I hate being proven wrong by a disembodied figment of my imagination!  Not fair!  Okay, sooo…here's the story.  Oh yeah, by the way, as far as _I_ know, no one's bothered to name the generic-wolfy-guys, so I did.  Oh yeah, and sorry about my singing.  So I like cartoons!  So sue me!

*****

Love to Hate You

*****

_It's been a while_

_Since I could_

_Hold my head up high_

It's been a while 

_Since I first saw you_

_It's been a while_

_Since I could stand_

_On my own two feet again_

-Staind _It's Been A While_

"Kouga, are you…do you feel okay?" Sanka asked the leader of the wolf tribe.  Kouga looked up at his clan member.  Sanka always looked haphazard, his black hair cut unevenly with a big white tuft in front.  Despite his looks, Sanka was usually very competent and was often braver than most of his companions.  The fact that he was willing to approach the angry looking leader when everyone else was afraid to look at him was proof of that.

"I'm fine." Kouga moped.  Damn that dog turd, stealing his woman!  And he'd mated her too!  Kouga was absolutely furious with all of this, and he'd not spoken a civil word to anyone in months.

"Oh.  That's fine then." Sanka gulped and looked around as though he wasn't finished, but a bit scared to continue.

"What do you want?" Kouga growled angrily.

"I just…was wondering.  Cause you've seemed kind of strange ever since you went to get Kagome-neesan and came back—" Sanka cut off as Kouga stood up, flashing his fangs threateningly.

"That's none of your damn business!" Kouga snarled.  He had to get out of here.  Maybe go hunting.  He felt like ripping something to shreds right about now.  Kouga stormed toward the mouth of the cave, leaving his terrified tribe to watch him go.  _Bastards.  What do they know about how I feel right now?_ Kouga ran blindly down the mountain trail.  He simply felt like letting off pent up frustration.  _Bunch of damn idiots.  Don't understand what it's like to have something important stolen from you.  Kagome was _my _woman, and he knew it!_

Suddenly, he could hear Kagome in his mind.  _Kouga, I am_ not _your woman!_

Growling in a rage, Kouga ignored his surroundings as he continued to run, focusing instead on his anger and pain.  _She_ was _my woman!  I claimed her in front of everyone!  Just because we never actually mated didn't mean that he could just steal what was mine!  He didn't even care about her!  All he ever did was yell at her!  I_ loved _her!  What more did she want from me?  What didn't I give?_

_She's my_ mate! Inuyasha's smug voice echoed in his memories.  Fucking bastard.

_Mine!  She was_ mine!  _He'll never care about her like I do!  He doesn't understand!  No one does!  I thought that she did, but then…_Kouga growled again at the painful memories.

­_Kouga, I was never really yours to begin with, was I?_ Kagome's voice had been so calm and clear when she spoke the words that had brought his world crashing down around him.  She didn't understand him.  She didn't really care.  No one did, and no one ever could.

_I must have been an idiot, acting all worried about whether some damn human loved him or me.  It doesn't really matter.  I don't care._ Kouga tried to convince himself, but he felt his anger wash away in a wave of sadness.  What were all these feelings?  How could a weak little human girl hurt him so much without even touching him?  _Fucking love.  Nothing but a pain in the ass.  Nothing good ever comes from that shit._

"I'll never do that again." He muttered, slowing to a stop as the anger that fueled him faded.  He finally took a moment to note his surroundings.  _Where the hell am I?  That was fucking stupid.  Now I'm gonna have to follow my trail all the way back.  What a waste of energy.  I didn't even get to kill something._

Suddenly, Kouga caught a scent.  His entire body stiffened in shock.  "What the…Naraku?"  Kouga gasped.  _It can't be that fucking crazy monkey shit-face.  He's dead, isn't he?_  Kouga paused, sniffing the air carefully, following the scent as it grew closer.  It was fresh, and he could see someone's footprints in the forest floor.  He bent down, sniffing at the disturbed earth.  "Picking some mushrooms, huh?  Makin' a stew, you fucking baboon?"  Kouga chuckled at his own humor.  It was definitely Naraku's scent.  A bit different, but still, who else could smell like that?  "Fucking dog turd couldn't do anything right, looks like.  Gonna have ta finish the job for him." Kouga muttered as he entered a small clearing.  There was a path, worn, but obviously not used by more than one or two people.  _Only smells like one person to me._ Kouga smirked at the idea of getting to kill something after all.  As he walked further down the path, he spotted a tiny hut.  It was shoddily constructed, and Kouga could tell right away that whoever had made it really had no idea what they were doing.  "What a fucking loser." He chuckled quietly, walking softly as he closed in on the hut.  The scent was all around him now, and he could tell more than ever that it was somehow different than Naraku.  _Doesn't matter though.  It's gotta be him.  He fuckin' stinks._

Kouga crept up to the hut silently before entering it cautiously.  "You in here, ya bastard?" Kouga noticed that the hut seemed empty.  _What the hell?  Where'd he go?_  Just then, he heard a rustling of cloth, but before he could turn around, something smashed into his head so sharply that he fell over, his eyes closing as the world around him went black.  Just as his consciousness ebbed away, he thought he glimpsed two red eyes staring down at him.  "Shit…"

----------

"How do these things happen to me?" Kagura pouted at the unconscious intruder.  "You'd _think_ I wouldn't have to worry about thieves, living in the middle of nowhere like this, but of course not.  You know, it's not _my_ fault that I was borne from a total fucking asshole.  Must I forever pay for it?"  Rolling her eyes, the woman crossed her arms, picking a bit of debris off of her sleeve left from lifting the huge piece of wood she'd used to knock out her unwanted guest.  She bent down to roll him over so she could get a better look at his face.  "Look at how pathetic I've become now.  Talking to strange, unconscious youkai in the middle of…wait a second…who is this?"  Kagura narrowed her eyes at the vaguely familiar face.  "I could swear I've seen you before somewhere…hmm…oh well, it doesn't matter.  Any youkai reduced to being a thief is no threat to me." She rolled her eyes, realizing she was still speaking to the unconscious form.  "Gods, I need to get a pet or something.  This is worse than when I'd talk to Kanna all day.  She didn't say anything, but at least she was conscious…I think."  Kagura smiled thoughtfully.

"Now…what to do with you?" Kagura tapped a fingernail against her red lips momentarily, looking inside her hut as if it held the answer.  "Perhaps I should simply kill you for trying to steal from me…but no, that would be too simple, wouldn't it?" she didn't wait for the man to answer, but she did pause to think.  "Maybe you would like to be my servant?  I could do with a little pampering after all I've been through, you know." She paused again, leaning down again to look at the youkai closer.  "Hmm…you look strong enough.  I could have you fix my roof.  I'm just not built for menial labor, you see.  But you, my little wolf man…" she smirked, poking his tail with a slender finger.  "You'd make a nice servant, I think.  Easy on the eyes, as well.  I can't complain about the little extras, now can I?" She trailed a finger over his jawbone lightly, still seizing him up.  "Now then…where shall you sleep?" Kagura stepped over the wolf youkai to enter her hut, looking around at the dismal interior.  She scrunched her face up in disgust as if seeing it all for the first time.

"Oh, don't look at me like that.  I know it's not a palace or anything, but it's the best I could do." She defensively told the heap of flesh lying in her doorway.  "I mean, it's not like I'm a master builder or anything.  You'll help straighten things up though, won't you my little wolf man?  That's what you're here for; I can feel it.  Finally, I have atoned for my sins and the gods have forgiven me!  They've sent me a handsome young youkai to help make life easier for me!  That must be it."  She looked at her futon and tried to imagine where she could fit another one.  "Hmm…I don't know where I'll put you, wolf man.  I may have to just leave you sleeping in the doorway.  Or you could always build me a nicer house and then keep this place for yourself.  That's fair, ne?"  She paused, silence thick in the air.  "I'm sorry that I'm talking so much.  Usually I'm not like this, but you must understand, I haven't had a chance to speak to someone in a long time now!  My life has been very burdensome, but I have prevailed."

"Nnngghhh." The wolf youkai in her doorway rolled over, his face in the dirt.

"Waking up already then?" Kagura's eyes widened in surprise.  She ran a hand through the long black hair draped over her shoulder, placing it behind her carefully and patting it down.  She wore it down these days, tied loosely in the back with a bit of red ribbon, her feathers waiting there if she needed them. "Hmm, surprising.  You didn't seem all that resilient to me…"

"Dammit…what the hell…" he stood shakily, his hand covering his eyes as he rose.  "Where am I?"

"So you're up then?" Kagura pulled the fan out of her obi and held it still folded in her hand.  Hopefully she wouldn't have to use it in her hut.  It wasn't well built, but she'd rather not become homeless again.  "How was your nap, wolf man?"

"Who…do I know you?" he stepped forward, bright blue eyes narrowing at her suspiciously.  "You look…familiar."

"I was thinking the same of you, wolf man, but it must be your imagination." She smiled winningly.  "Are you going to let me outside then?  Or were you planning on blocking my door all day."

"I…uh, sure." Kouga was still disoriented as he let the woman move past him.  What had happened?  How had he ended up lying in front of some shabby little hut in the middle of the forest?  He remembered running until he didn't recognize his location, and then…then he had smelled Naraku!  That was it!  Naraku must have hit him!  Then where was he now?  And what the hell was this weak looking little woman doing here?  Naraku's smell was still thick in the air.  It was almost as though…could she be his mate?  Now that he looked at her, the pointed ears told him right away she was youkai.  So perhaps she wasn't as helpless as she looked.  But then…did she know who he was?  "Do you…do you know who I am?"

_What an idiot!_ Kagura had to hide a grin.  _He's looking around like someone's going to pop out of the trees any second.  Obviously he doesn't think I'm the one who hit him.  Hmm…maybe I should play this out and see how it goes._  Making her eyes as widely innocent as possibly, Kagura frowned as though thinking.  "Not at all.  Should I?"

"No…I was just wondering."  Kouga shook his head.  _What an idiot.  Listen to that voice.  No wonder she's Naraku's mate.  Too stupid to see what a freak he is._  "Then…you didn't see who hit me?"

"No.  I was in the woods, looking for the mushrooms I had gathered earlier.  I'd forgotten all about them!  Silly me." Kagura affected a vacant smile and pointed at the little basket full of mushrooms a short distance from the hut where she'd left it after spotting her intruder.  "So I came back here and you were just lying in front of door like you were sound asleep.  What happened?" she blinked her bright red eyes, looking as innocent as possible.

"I…don't really know."  At least that was the truth.  But he had a damn good idea.  Something about this woman was so familiar, he just couldn't place his finger on it.  _Who_ is _she?  I know I've seen her before somewhere…she's so familiar._  "So then, do you live here by yourself?" he asked, hoping to get some information on where Naraku was from her.  _Dog turd will be so pissed when he finds out that piece of shit didn't die._

"Yes." Kagura answered.  It wasn't a lie, at least.  But she sensed immediately that she'd made some tactical error.  The wolf youkai's blue eyes went wide in surprise.

"You mean…you don't have someone…a mate or a brother perhaps?" he asked, feeling extremely confused and a bit embarrassed.  _Damn, I sound like I'm interested in her!_

"Oh…uh, no?" she looked a bit confused herself.  What was going on?  "Why do you ask?"

"Come here a second." Kouga commanded.  The woman nodded slightly, coming toward him after a moment of deliberation.  "Are you sure we haven't met?  I could swear I've seen you before somewhere, I just can't think of where."

"No, never met." Kagura answered, but she was thinking the same thing.  She had a sudden flash of memory as his eyes narrowed while he sniffed the air around her.  A wolf tribe…she'd killed them all and then told this one that it was Inuyasha.  That's right!  How could she forget?  She had fought with him more than once, but then…her memory had been a little fuzzy ever since Naraku died.  The time when she served him seemed almost like something she was remembering from a previous life, not something she had been doing only a few years ago.  She hadn't questioned it since she didn't really want to remember her time with Naraku.  It gave her a chance to start over on her own.  But this guy…he was bringing back the past she'd tried so hard to escape from.  If he figured out who she was, he'd want her dead, no doubt of that.  Kagura felt a twinge of something from the past.  She'd felt very little respect for Kouga, it seemed.  Yes, Kouga…that was his name.  She'd thought he was a waste of time.  How different she'd been.  Now, she was so alone all the time…she couldn't help but wish that he'd want to talk to her, to spend just a little longer here with her.  _Pretty pathetic, Kagura_.  But it was the truth.  Suddenly her heart beat erratically as he leaned forward, careless of her personal space as he sniffed her hair and then her neck.  She could feel his warm breath against her skin.  She doubted she'd ever felt this close to someone.  _Look at how I've become, so excited to have a weird wolf man_ sniff _me!  What's wrong with me?_

"Naraku." He muttered, but she caught it.  His voice was full of hate, and she felt her stomach sink in dread.  "You reek of it.  But it's different somehow.  Familiar.  I _know_ I've seen you before, wench!  Who are you?" he demanded, leaning forward.

"I…I swear, I don't know you!  I've never met you—ow!" Kagura yelped as he snatched up her right hand in his own clawed grip.  He was squeezing her arm so tight she was sure there'd be bruises.  He pulled at her arm, but she resisted.

"What's that in your hand?" He asked, still forceful as before.

_The fan.  I fought with this back then too.  Shit.  He'll know if he sees it, I just know.  He'll know, and I don't want him too!_  Kagura fought against him as hard as she could, but he won, pulling up her hand and taking the fan away, dropping her arm at the same moment.  She rubbed at it, worrying that he'd know who she was when he saw her trademark fan.  "It's just…just my fan." She gulped nervously.  _What do you care if he sees it?  He's just a low class youkai.  You don't need him.  You don't even know him._

_I may never know him if he finds out.  He'll hate me.  I'm not the same as I was back then!  I'm different!_  Kagura thought fiercely, her chin lifting defiantly.  Kouga snapped open the fan and looked at it, his eyes going wide.  "Where'd you get this?" he growled, flinging it aside as though it were disgusting.  He turned back to face her, blue eyes burning with anger.

"I…I found it.  It's just…just a fan." She explained, her red eyes going wide with sudden fright.  _I don't have my fan…if I can't get away, he'll just maul me.  I'm done, he's gonna kill me, I know it!_

"You're lying." He hissed, his voice cold.  Kagura's face fell.  "Kagura." The word was laden with more hate than even Naraku's had been.

"I'm not…" she backed up, eyeing her fan where it lay useless behind Kouga.

"You're lying!" He yelled, his face red with rage.  "Dammit, I _know_ you're lying!  Stop it!"

"But I'm not—" Kagura reached back toward her feathers, her hands shaking, but she was cut off as he grabbed both her shoulders, shaking her.

"I found you, you fucking bitch!  You aren't escaping me now!"  Kouga snarled.  "I know your fucking tricks and they ain't working this time!"  Kagura didn't know what to do.  She was overwhelmed with emotions.  Fear that he would kill her.  Remorse for what she had done.  Sadness that he would never be her friend.  Regret that she'd die without anyone who cared about her or wanted her around.  And without meaning to or wanting to, Kagura began to cry, right there, her tears flowing down porcelain cheeks, her face twisting in self-pity.  She hated showing such weakness, but did it really matter now.  She was about to die.  But for some reason, her tears stopped Kouga, and he was staring at her almost as though he was in a panic.  She didn't care what was stopping him, she was too caught up in the flood of emotions.

"I didn't want to be born this way!  It's not my choice, and it's not who I am!" Kagura protested.  "Just do it then!" she urged Kouga, who was looking paler by the moment.  "If you want to, just kill me!  Go ahead!  It's not like I don't deserve it!  Now's your chance, so get it over with!"  Kouga cringed at her words and her tears, pulling away from her and turning to leave.

"Don't ever let me see you again." He spoke softly.  "If I see you…I'll kill you."

"But…why didn't you do it?" she wanted to know.  "I was helpless!"

"Exactly." And with that, Kouga ran away, with Kagura behind him to puzzle all this out.

*****

The End!  (Of Part 1 That Is)


	2. Forgiveness

Thanks for all the enthusiastic response everyone!  Last night I stayed up sooo late studying for my newest Japanese test that after a while, I got up to get something to drink and noticed that the sun was getting ready to rise!  INJUSTICE!!!  Yeah, and then on the test, it had this question all like "Which do you want more right now, time or money?  If you had it, what would you do?" (obviously, it was in Japanese though) so I went on about how although I was poor, I needed time more.  There just isn't enough hours in the day sometimes!  Grr.  Someone should fix that.  Thankfully, I have a constant supply of coffee for the drinking.  But I tell ya, I got like two and a half hours of sleep before I had to get up to study some _more_!  You know…maybe if I would've started studying earlier instead of playing games with my sister online and typing the first part of this up.  But you see, I couldn't concentrate on studying until I wrote _something_!  I really want to get to the sequel, which I started, but then halfway through the first chapter realized I needed to back up the Kouga and Kagura thing.  Oh well.  These two are so heartsick, can't take that long for them to figure things out, can it?  Can it???  Dig it, I'm getting impatient with myself!  Sometimes that happens.  Like, I know what's gonna happen, so it's not that bad, but sometimes I get so impatient for a new part that I can't sleep until I type it.  Yeah…I just noticed I'm talking about nothing.  I bet there's like five people who read my intros.  The others are all smart and like "She never says anything important" so they skip it.  Oh well.  I better get to the point here!  Oh, hey, Jade…45 days, 3 hours, and 33 minutes!

*****

Love To Hate You

Part 2

*****

Remembering all the times you've fought with me  
I'm surprised it got so far  
Things aren't the way they were before  
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore  
Not that you knew me back then  
But it all comes back to me  
In the end

-Linkin Park _In The End_

Kouga licked his lips unconsciously from where he was hidden in a tree at the edge of the clearing.  He stared at the shabby hut, trying to ignore the smell of cooking meat that was coming from it.  He wasn't sure what that woman was making, but it sure as hell smelled good.  He hadn't eaten anything today but a few scraps of dried meat he'd grabbed before suddenly deciding that he needed to get out of the cave for a few days.  Kouga hadn't really had a purpose in mind when he left the cave that morning.  It was just good to be out by himself, away from complaining and petty squabbles, away from all of it.  The tribe was accustomed to him sometimes disappearing on little expeditions, sometimes for days at a time.  Sometimes he took others with him, and sometimes he didn't.  They accepted what he did because he was the leader and that was his prerogative.

After going some way, Kouga had started to recognize some landmarks, realizing that he was headed roughly in the direction of Kagura, if she hadn't fled after they first met.  _Probably long gone by now.  It's been eight months.  No way she'd stay in that shitty hut waiting for me to come finish her off for that long.  She'd have to be some sort of idiot._  Despite his thoughts, Kouga had decided it couldn't hurt to check and see if she was gone for himself.  And when he'd come, he'd seen her while quickly hiding in the tree so she wouldn't spot him as well.  She'd been hanging up a few freshly cleaned garments, presumably her own.  The kimono she was wearing now was different from the one he remembered her wearing the last time he'd seen her.  It wasn't nearly as nice, and obviously wasn't silk.  Also, she seemed not to be painting her lips and eyelids anymore.  Perhaps all this time alone had led her to no longer care about her appearance.  It wasn't as though she was now ugly to look at, though.  Somehow, the fresh, clean face she wore now had it's own appeal.

_What am I doing, sitting around here still?  She's not doing anything interesting_ Kouga's stomach growled loudly then, just as Kagura came back outside, carrying what looked like the leftover bits from whatever she was putting together.  _Did she hear that?_ He wondered in alarm, his eyes widening and his body stiffening as he noticed that Kagura was headed his way.  _What am I so worried for?  Just cause I said…I'd kill her…_ Kouga watched as Kagura came closer and closer to his hiding spot.  But then, just when he thought she really _had_ heard him, she tossed the bits of vegetables into the forest and turned to leave.  But just as she did, he could have sworn her eyes flickered up the tree for just a moment.  It must have been his imagination though, because she didn't pause on her return trip to the hut.

Perhaps he'd been lurking for too long.  He didn't care how some idiot woman was doing.  _Especially not some crazy bitch who killed some of my tribe._ Kouga nodded sharply.  _I don't care about some freak like that who's afraid to die!  Who starts makin' excuses and cries…_  Kouga felt a pang of guilt.  Somehow…there was something about a woman crying like that.  All his pride, all his arrogance, all his stubborn anger and hatred were completely neutralized by it.  _Why?  Why should I care if she doesn't wanna die?  Of_ course _she doesn't want to die!  No one wants to die, no matter how much they deserve it!  No matter how many people she hurt, of course she didn't want…_

_Just do it then!_  her voice, hysterical from her tears, echoed in his mind.  _If you want to, just kill me!  Go ahead!  It's not like I don't deserve it!  Now's your chance, so get it over with!_

_Maybe…maybe she_ does _want to die?_ Kouga considered, confused as how this could be true.  _But why would she want to die?_

_It's not like I don't deserve it!_  The ghost of Kagura's voice answered.  Kouga shook his head to clear it when Kagura came back out of her hut.

_Now what's she up to?_ Kouga watched, licking his lips again as she sat down on the grass in front of her hut with some sort of thick meat soup.  It smelled so good, and he was so hungry…

"You realize, it's extremely impolite to come to visit and then not do it properly?" Kagura appeared to be speaking to the sky, but Kouga had the sudden feeling that maybe—just maybe—she _had_ seen him, after all.  But maybe she was just crazy.  Women were strange creatures.  She sipped at her soup for a few moments as though waiting for something.  Then she pursed her lips and stood up, going back into the hut.

_What now?_ Kouga was totally confused.  Did she act like this _every_ day, or was he just exceptionally unlucky?  He waited for her to return, wanting to see what she'd do next, but she stayed in the hut for a long time.  Perhaps she had forgotten her dinner…Kouga's stomach rumbled agreement, and he jumped out of his hiding place carefully, sneaking forward until he reached the edge of the clearing.  _Just take it, go!_  Apparently, his mind and his stomach were forming some sort of allegiance.  Kouga couldn't fight against that.  Looking around carefully, he crept stealthily toward the bowl, his entire focus on the brown, chunky liquid and the wonderful smelling air wafting from it, straight to his nose.  Licking his lips once more, Kouga scrambled the last few steps and began to hurriedly eat the soup, shoving his whole face in the bowl and sloshing it around terribly.  The hot liquid scalded his hands, but he didn't really notice in his rush to get as much eaten as fast as he could.

"Did you want some help there, wolf man?" an amused voice finally stopped him right in the middle of his feeding.  He leapt to his feet, a piece of vegetable stuck to his lip still, broth all over his face and hands.  The bowl lay forgotten on the ground.  "Sorry for interrupting, but it didn't exactly seem like an overly formal affair."

"Y…you!" Kouga growled, unsure of how to continue.

"I've never trapped a wolf man with stew before."  She smiled at him as though this was all extremely amusing.  "Well then, are you going to come in, or were you only here to kill me?  Either way, I can give you something to eat."  Kouga screwed up his face at her.  How could she sound so casual about it?  Wasn't she afraid of him?  Or was it…that she wasn't afraid of dying itself?  "Well, what's it gonna be?" her voice brought him back to the present.

"I just…didn't…I'm gonna go if…do you really have more?" he licked his lips, catching the poor dangling vegetable with his tongue.  Kagura laughed at the eager flash in his already bright eyes.  He was an interesting one, this wolf man.

"Come on then," Kagura nodded, picking up the bowl as Kouga ran ahead of her.  "Don't touch anything!" she called to him as he entered her hut.  She went in only moments later to see him sitting eagerly on the edge of the small fire she kept sometimes in the middle of her hut where it couldn't touch anything.  The fire had died considerably, leaving only a few persistent flames that licked the edges of the cauldron in the middle of the coals.  "Careful you don't fall in, there." She teased as he leaned over to watch her fill the bowl he'd left for her to pick up.  Shaking her head, she handed it to him.  "It's hot," she warned, blowing on it slightly before he could take it from her.  He made as if to shove his face in the bowl again, but the movement splashed some of the just-boiling broth on his hand.

"Fuck!  It's hot!" Kouga moved so sharply, he spilled the whole bowl over his left arm, yelping loudly and cursing repeatedly.  Kagura watched him yelp as she refilled his now empty bowl, then she left it to cool while she tried to get him under control.

"Of course it's hot.  Did you think I lied?" she laughed, trying to gab some bit of the flailing wolf before he started tearing up her tiny home.  She finally snatched his burnt arm, and this only made him curse louder.  She winced, moving her hand to his upper arm, not letting go.  "Come on now, you're such a child."

"What the hell?  Where are we going?" he asked as she led him back out of the hut and back toward the forest.  "My arm hurts, but I'm still fucking _hungry!_"

"Don't complain so much, it's your own fault for not listening to me.  I _told_ you it was hot."  She laughed slightly, shaking her head as they reached a small creek.  "Now come and stick your arm in the water."

"What for?" Kouga snorted.  "You can't tell me what to do."

"Fine.  Be that way.  But when your burn forms blisters, don't come crying to me." Kagura huffed, letting go of him to cross her arms angrily.  "Seriously, there's no need to be stubborn about something so small."

"Blisters?" Kouga's tribe rarely cooked their meat, and when they did he wasn't involved in it.  He'd never really encountered burns from food before.  "Fine, I'll stick my arm in the damn water if that makes you feel better." He conceded, sitting on his haunches to shove his burned arm in the icy water.  He gasped at the feeling of the water, making him forget the burning sensation on his arm.

"Feels better doesn't it?" Kagura asked, smirking slightly.

"Feh.  Not like it hurt that much to start." Kouga grumbled, standing up and regretting it slightly.  The water had felt good on his burn.  "I'm youkai, remember.  This'll be gone by the morning.  Now let's go back so I can eat something."

"I'm glad you're here." She spoke the words out of nowhere, and Kouga stopped short for a moment.

"Why should you be?" he asked as they made their way back to the hut.  "Last time I saw you, I said I'd kill you if it happened again."

"But you didn't kill me." She reminded him as they reached the clearing.  "Why _did_ you come back?"

"I was…just making sure you weren't causing some sorta trouble."  Kouga's brow furrowed.

"No matter what you're here for, it's good to be able to talk to someone." Kagura admitted as they reentered her hut.  "You don't meet a lot of people out here in the middle of nowhere.  I miss being able to talk to people, even if I never did have any real friends."

"Then why live here?" Kouga asked, picking up his bowl much more slowly than before.  "It's not like anyone will know who you are.  And if you cover your ears, no one would even know you're youkai."

"I know." Kagura pursed her lips together as she kneeled before the dying fire with a long stick before putting the last of the cauldron's contents in another bowl for herself.  "I mean, I've had to buy things, like that cauldron, so that I can stay here, but I…I can't live with them.  I'll never be one of them."

"Does it really matter that they're only humans?" Kouga asked, twisting his mouth in a scowl as he looked up from his soup.  "I mean, they're weak and all that, but they aren't all _that_ bad.  If you're so lonely, just—"

"I _can't_!" Kagura cut him off, looking angry with him for questioning her.  After a moment of glaring at him, she looked down at her soup as though it were extremely interesting.  In a quieter voice, she spoke up again.  "I can't live with them.  You know what I've done, who I was.  I can't."  There was a long pause.  "Maybe I'm silly for thinking like this, but I do feel regret for the life I once lived.  I just wish…I hope that somehow, I can pay for what happened and be forgiven."

"So you're punishing yourself?" Kouga asked, surprised at how she felt.

"I guess you could say that.  Also, I know that if I never see anyone, then I can't hurt anyone pointlessly ever again." Kagura admitted, sipping her soup.  Kouga shook his head.

"You're such a woman, all worried about feelings and shit." He told her.  "It's the past, just forget it.  Isn't it enough that you feel bad about it?"

"Is it?" she asked, looking up, pain in her red eyes.  "Is it enough?  You tell me now, do you think it makes up for what I did to you, knowing that I'm guilty about it now?  Does it bring back all the men I killed for no real reason?"  They were both silent for a long time as she waited for his answer.

"It doesn't bring them back." He finally replied, finishing his bowl.  "But let me ask you something.  What would you think if I killed you right now?  Would you forgive me?"

"There's nothing to forgive.  It was revenge.  It's the only thing I can do now, letting you take my life in exchange for those you lost." She sipped calmly at her soup.  Kouga narrowed his eyes at her.

"Do you _want_ me to kill you?" he asked.  "Would that make you feel like you'd paid for what you've done, knowing that I got revenge?"

"I suppose it would." She answered.  "I don't want to die in particular.  If I did, I'd just stop eating or stab myself, or something easy like that.  I guess you could say that I don't necessarily _want_ you to kill me, but I wouldn't hold it against you either.  I don't really have any specific purpose for continuing to live, so it wouldn't be that great of a hardship.  No one would even miss me."

"That's ridiculous.  I've never heard a stupider bunch of shit in my whole life." Kouga tossed his bowl at the wall angrily.  "You honestly don't care?  What the hell's with that?  I don't understand a damn thing about you."

"I'm sorry if you don't like it, but that's how I feel." She shot back, finishing her own soup and setting down the bowl calmly.

"So lemme ask you a question!" Kouga stood up, glaring at her for staying so calm about all this.  "If I kill you right now, what good will it be?  Will it bring back my men?"  Kagura licked her lips nervously.

"No…I suppose it won't," she answered, sighing heavily.  "I know.  There's nothing I can do, really.  But I _am_ sorry.  It's all I can do now." Kagura stood up, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.  "I need…I have to go…do something." She explained lamely before leaving the hut in a hurry.  Kouga frowned, his eyes following her form as she disappeared into the now darkened forest.

"What the hell?" he growled.  "What's her problem?  Off to cry again, is she?  Like I care." He crossed his arms stubbornly and stood there for almost a full minute before stomping his foot angrily and heading out after her.  It didn't take long to catch up to her, trying to hide behind a large log, crying her eyes out.  Kouga snorted in disgust and grabbed her arm, pulling her up roughly.

"Kouga!" she gasped when she was standing.  She scrubbed at her wet face furiously, though the tears were barely visible now that the sun had set.

"What the hell are you doing?" he demanded.

"I was…just…" she sniffled lightly, still rather upset.

"Don't bother to lie." He interrupted her halted speech.  Her lip quivered, threatening more tears.

"I was…I was crying." She admitted, her voice shaking worse than her lip.

"What for?" he demanded.

"Because…you _hate_ me!" she answered, covering her face with her hands to hide her tears from him.

"Who the hell told you that?" he asked forcefully.

"You _do_!" she sobbed.  "I know it's selfish, but I was hoping…you came back so I thought…I thought that you could…and I wouldn't have to be alone…but you hate me!"  She cried so hard that she fell to her knees.

"Dammit." Kouga grumbled.  _What the hell do I do now?  I made it worse!_ He realized.  _Why should I care?  She killed all those people, she's only getting what she deserves, even if she is sorry!  But maybe…maybe I feel sorry for her._  Lowering himself, Kouga heaved a great sigh before awkwardly hugging the sobbing woman.

"I…don't hate you." He told her.  "I don't."  She was stiff in his arms, and the entire thing seemed uncomfortable.

"You…you don't?" she asked, sniffling as her crying subsided.

"I used to," he admitted, noticing that she wasn't nearly as resistant to the hug now.  "You killed all those men.  Some of them were my friends, and all of them were my responsibility.  And you used me.  You lied to me."

"I'm sorry, I didn't—"

"But," he cut her off.  "Not that long ago, I used to be like that, killing for no good reason just because I could.  I think that's the thing I really hated, seeing how wrong I'd been.  You're no different than I am.  You feel sorry for all the things you did.  Sorrier than I ever felt.  And you were being ordered around.  No one ever told _me_ what to do."

"It doesn't make it less wrong." She answered, slowly melting into his arms, drawing comfort from the embrace.  Kouga tightened his arms around her.

"No, it doesn't.  But you shouldn't think your life is so worthless.  Just go on living." He urged her.  The way she felt in his arms, so soft and unresisting…it was very warm.  "You're worried that no one will forgive you, but I think the one that you need to worry about is yourself.  You can't forgive yourself and it's tearing you apart.  You need to try…find something to live for…I don't know.  I sound stupid." Kouga blushed.

"No you don't.  You're right, you know."  Kagura laid her head on his shoulder.  "I never have forgiven myself.  Maybe that's what's wrong."

"Maybe." He sighed, wondering why it felt so right, sitting here with this woman in his arms.

"Kouga?" she spoke up, not moving from the embrace.

"Yeah?" he replied.

"I don't want to be alone again." She told him.

"You won't be." He answered.

****

The End (Of Part 2 That Is)


	3. Cooking

I have another story up that is long overdue for being updated….but I'm sorry!  I felt the Kouga/Kagura vibes, okay!?  Plus, I'm just soooo ready for the TFLG sequel…and yeah.  I hope the other people don't start rioting.  That wouldn't be cool.  Okay, story time!  But first….Jade!  40 days, 21 hours, and 45 minutes!  Woohoo!

*****

Love To Hate You

Part 3

*****

I liked the way my hand looked on your head  
In the presence of my struggle  
But the beauty of this vision alone

_I can't shake from my tree just yet_

_It keeps invading all my private moments_

_Listen to me now_

-Live _Iris_

Kouga stopped himself from starting toward Kagura's hut for the fifth time in as many days.  It had been just about a month since he'd last seen Kagura.  He'd left that same night after taking her back to her hut, Kagura still sniffling slightly and wiping her eyes.  As soon as they got back, he told her he had to go, that he hadn't meant to linger for so long anyway.  It had been quite the scene.  She'd started crying all over again.

_"You're going back?" she asked, her lip trembling, and Kouga felt apprehensive that she might begin to cry again.  It'd been hard enough to stop her last time, he didn't want to deal with that again._

_"Of course I'm going back, what'd you think I came here to stay or some shit?" he asked, more roughly than he intended.  That did it.  Kagura's eyes began to overflow all over again, spilling wet streams down her still blotchy face._

_"You said…I wouldn't have to be alone again." She sniffled, glaring accusation at him.  Kouga suddenly felt like he had done something terribly wrong, and he felt angry with himself for being so subject to the emotions of a woman._

_"Dammit, Kagura!  I'm not you're babysitter!  You don't need someone here every damn second of the day!" Kouga snapped, only causing her eyes to widen as she turned and ran in the hut to go cry alone.  Cursing under his breath, Kouga followed her after a few moments.  She was over in the corner on her futon, sobbing into the thin blanket and curled up into a ball.  "Kagura…" his voice was apologetic, and she froze at the sound of it._

_"If you're leaving me, just go." She hissed angrily.  What the hell did that woman want from him?_

_"Kagura, I'll come back." He told her grudgingly.  "I meant what I said…I just can't always be here.  I have responsibilities, you know!"  The sobs subsided slightly, but she wouldn't turn to face him.  "Dammit, why do I even bother!  I don't owe you anything, I don't need to explain." He growled, leaving._

_"I'll wait for you." Her desperate voice reached his ears as he exited the hut.  He paused before making his way home through the night._

It's not like he said he'd come back so soon or anything.  He _didn't_ owe her anything!  The damn woman had killed half his tribe once!  _Well, it_ has _been years since that happened, and she's changed, and of course she was sorry but—hey, what the hell am I doing?  Am I_ justifying _all that shit she did?  What the fuck is wrong with me?_ Kouga's eyes widened and he stopped walking suddenly.  _I can't…can it be that I_ care _what happens to that crazy bitch?_ He shook the thought out of his head immediately.  _Dammit, now she's making me feel guilty even without having to see that damn look on her face.  Like I'm doing something wrong, not going to see her._

"Dammit," he growled under his breath as he turned back and started heading in a direction he seemed to recall all too easily.  "What the hell is with this woman?"

----------

"Idiot," Kagura mumbled to herself as she caught her eyes wandering to the tree where she had found Kouga a month ago.  She was outside hanging up her spare kimono's to dry after she had washed them.  "He's not coming back any sooner if you keep staring off into space."  The fact that she looked so forward to his return scared Kagura somewhat.  _Since when do I depend on anyone?  I shouldn't_ need _to see him.  It's not like I…care about him, do I?_  Kagura gave pause at this thought before draping the final piece of cotton over the clothesline.  She had sold her old silk kimono to purchase the ones she had now as well as the cauldron and a few other things.  The cotton kimonos were simpler than what she was used to, but it was more than serviceable enough to make up for the lack of elegance.  Also, these ones were warmer, and in her shabbily constructed hut she needed all the extra warmth she could find.

_If I just knew what I was doing…maybe then this hut wouldn't be such a piece of shit._  Kagura sighed and rolled her eyes.  Of course, for not having a clue how it should work, she'd done quite a good job.  And if anyone _else_ tried to insult her little home, she'd be furious.  But for Kagura to admit it to herself was something entirely different.  _It kind of reflects who I am, ill-made and clumsy, not something that anyone would ever admire or care about.  _What even makes me think that Kouga would come back to see me?  Why should he come back, even if he said he would?  Am I worth the trouble, really?  He probably just said it to get me to shut up._

Kagura sighed again and then looked over at the fat bird she'd killed earlier for dinner.  Trudging over to where she'd strung it up to drain a good portion of blood, Kagura began to pluck at the feathers.  By now, she was well used to doing such work, but that just left her mind free to wander.  "Stupid bird, why'd I even kill you.  You're far too big for me to eat alone." She pouted at the headless, upside down carcass.

"You could probably finish it all, but then you'd get fat." A voice from behind her supplied helpfully.  "You'd better give some of it to me."  Kagura whirled around, her face lighting up in a huge smile before she could realize how silly she must look, her hands full of feathers and a dopey grin on her face.

"Kouga!" she exclaimed, noticing the feathers and tossing them aside carelessly.  "You came back!"

"Feh, I said I would, didn't I?" he reminded her in a voice that said he couldn't think of any place he'd like to be _less_ than there with her.

"But still, even though you said it, I thought that maybe—" Kagura drifted off, still beaming at him.

"I keep my word, wench." He told her roughly.  "That's dinner?" he asked, eyeing the half-plucked bird critically.

"Well, yes, but it's not nearly ready yet." Kagura explained.  "You'll really like it when I'm finished, I swear!  And…um, let's see…" Kagura ran to her hut and shuffled around inside.  Kouga followed and saw that she was looking inside a wooden container full of white stuff critically.  "I found a wild rice paddy, and I've been making most of it into flour.  And I was able to gather some honey as well.  It's not a lot, but I think I could make us some little cakes."

"Cakes?" Obviously Kouga was not a connoisseur of such food.

"It's a kind of human food.  They're sweet, but they don't have any meat in them, just so you know." Kagura couldn't help but smile at the doubtful look on his face.  "I promise you'll like it, just please…stay." She reached over, grabbing his hand firmly as though she feared he would leave.  Kouga felt a bit embarrassed for some reason, and he looked down at their hands.

"I'm not going to run away or anything." He told her finally.  Blushing, she dropped his hand and busied herself with brushing the long strands of black hair out of her face.  She then turned to leave the hut.

"I…I'll go get the bird ready.  You can just…sit around, I guess." She told him, hurrying back to the bird as though she was sure he'd leave if she kept him waiting too long.  After a while, he went outside as wall, settling down to watch her lazily.  Kagura didn't notice his eyes on her as she happily plucked the bird clean, humming some imaginary tune quietly as she worked.  When she finished, she untied the legs and took the bird down, turning and then almost dropping it in surprise as she noticed that Kouga was watching her.

"What's your problem?" he asked about the shocked look on her face.

"I…you were watching me." She explained, blushing.  Kouga pointedly looked away from her.

"So what?  Is that a problem?  I was just checking what you did." He justified.  "Make sure you don't poison me."

"Hardly." Kagura laughed at the thought and hurried past him into the hut.  After a moment, he followed to notice how she was stirring the small fire she seemed to always have going in the middle of her little hut.  The bird was waiting patiently to be used in the cauldron.

"That'd be easier if you had a fire pit outside." Kouga told her.  "You know, there'd be more room in here."

"Oh, I don't need anything that big just for myself.  Plus, I don't really know how to do it." She admitted, blushing in embarrassment.

"They aren't hard." He told her.  "Just a hole all lined with rocks." He told her as he watched her placing many fist-sized stones all around the edge of the fire.  "I could make you one." He told her, making his voice as noncommittal as possible.

"Oh, you don't need to worry about me." She smiled up at him.

"Feh." Kouga snorted.  "Like I'm worried about someone like _you_." He huffed.  Then he looked over at the rocks as she arranged them carefully.  "What are those for?  Are we cooking some rocks now too?" he asked sarcastically.

"No, these are for cooking the chicken.  You'll see." Kagura picked up her slightly tattered gathering basket.  "I have to go get something for dinner so—"

"I'll come." He told her.  "Make sure it's nothing weird."

"Oh…okay then.  Did you want to hold the basket?" she teased as they walked toward the forest.  He snorted and turned up his chin.  They walked for some way, but Kagura seemed to know where she was headed, so Kouga didn't say anything.  Finally, she stopped at a good-sized patch of some big green leafy plant that Kouga didn't really know much about.  He thought it was edible, but he didn't eat vegetables, so he wasn't sure.  Kagura sat on her knees and began to gather the leaves, stacking them neatly in the basket.  Hesitating a moment, Kouga dropped beside her and inspected the leaves closely.  He picked one out of the basket and bit it experimentally.

"Blech!  This tastes like shit!  You aren't feeding me that shit!  Disgusting!" he tossed the bitten leaf aside, and Kagura began laughing at him, covering her mouth in a failed attempt to hide her amusement.  "What?  It's nasty!"

"You don't eat that." She told him.  "I suppose you can, but it's really too strong.  I use it when I cook some things to add flavor.  I can't believe you bit into it!"

"I didn't know!" he growled at her.  He was silent for a moment and then watched as she sat humming and carefully gathering the leaves.  "Like this?" he reached out to a plant and yanked the leaf off.  It ripped in half.

"No, not that hard." She smiled slightly, but didn't laugh this time.  "Here, let me show you." She grabbed a leaf and slowly showed him how she twisted and pulled it while holding the stem in the other hand.  "This way you don't really hurt the plant.  And you can't take all the leaves, or it'll die."  She repeated her actions slowly for him to watch.  "You see?"

"Not that hard." He told her, straightening up as he imitated her, grinning smugly over his leaf as it snapped easily from the stem.  "Anyone could do this."

"Obviously.  I mean, I don't have any problem with it." She nodded, pulling off another leaf.

"Who showed you how?" he wanted to know.

"When I went to sell my kimono and use the money for some things, I stayed with an old lady.  She showed me a lot of things." Kagura explained.

"Obviously she didn't teach you how to build a house." Kouga snorted derisively.

"Do you have a problem with that?  It's the best I could do, you know!  I didn't really have a lot of options available!" she snapped at him defensively.

"Okay, calm down." Kouga rolled his eyes.  "It's okay, I guess.  I'm just saying it could…you know, be better."

"I know." She admitted, sighing.  "But it was hard enough for me to do what I did."  She stood up, indicating that she was done gathering the leaves.  But instead of turning back, she headed further into the forest.

"I know." Kouga allowed, following her.  They were silent until she stopped at a tiny patch of what looked like a very fat grass.  "We're eating grass?" he asked, curling his lip in disgust.

"It's not grass, Kouga." She told him.  She lowered herself and he followed curiously.

"Sure as hell looks like grass to me." He mumbled loud enough for her to hear.

"You'd think a wild youkai would know more about nature." Kagura teased.

"Feh!  Like I care about vegetables!"  Kouga snorted.  As he spoke, she leaned forward and snapped off a small stalk of the strange grass.  She offered it to him.

"Don't eat it all." She warned him.  Just lick the tip where I broke it so you can taste the juice." She instructed him.  He did so with a bit of trepidation.  After all, the last plant she'd been gathering had a disgustingly overpowering flavor.  He felt a slight tingling on his tongue, an interesting feeling that was odd from any food he'd ever had.  Of course, his diet was mostly raw meat, so he didn't have a broad taste base.

"It's…it's hot?" he looked at her, ready to see her laughing at him suggesting that some piece of grass could taste hot.  But it warmed his tongue even though it was cool in his hand.  "How is it hot?"

"It's an onion.  The roots are the best part, really." She told him, pulling up some of the green stalks to show a small white ball.  "Farmers can get theirs much bigger, but I don't really have a lot to work with here." She explained, pulling up another onion.  After he got over his shock, Kouga helped her gather a small amount of the little balls before they got up again.

"Now, I have the rest of what I need at home, but I'd like to get some berries…" she murmured quietly, looping her path back around toward the hut, but taking a detour to where there was a small stream with a thick cluster of bushes growing around it.  Kagura picked a few and ate the last one.  "Mmm, try some." She encouraged Kouga, pointing toward the bush before she continued to pick.  "Get one of the darker ones.  The others aren't ripe yet.  They won't taste good." She told him.  He nodded slightly before selecting a berry and sniffing it before popping it into his mouth.

"Mm, not bad." He said gruffly, but his eyes danced with pleasure as he picked a few more, eating them all.  After a while, Kagura sighed at him impatiently.

"The idea is to pick them now and eat them later.  Not eat them all now." She explained to him.

"I know." He answered, stopping his hand halfway to his mouth and reluctantly giving up the berries.  "I was just making sure they were all good." He explained as he continued to pick the berries.

"Good job then." She teased.  "I don't think very many berries could have escaped your careful scrutiny."

"Feh." He grunted, but she caught him sneaking berries out of the corner of her eye.

----------

"Ungggghhhh…" Kouga groaned as he attempted to stand, keeling back over only to have Kagura catch him.  She rolled her eyes and hitched his weak form up so that she was supporting him against her shoulder.

"I told you to slow down.  I _knew_ this would happen.  Fool wolf man."  She shook her head, helping him stumble over to her futon.

"Hey…you're holdin' me up." He pointed out the painfully obvious as she moved the blanket aside with her foot and lowered him to the little bed.  "You're pretty strong."

"And you're pretty stupid." She shook her head at him.  "What were you thinking, eating all that!  I told you not to, but would you listen to me!  And then…I shouldn't have even _told_ you I had rice wine.  What a disaster _that_ was."

"It tasted good." His voice was slightly slurred, probably from a combination of fatigue, overeating, and slight drunkenness.

"I'm sure it did, Kouga."  Kagura wondered if she should take off his boots, but she suddenly doubted he ever took them off, so she just left them, sweeping the blanket up and over him.  "I'm sure it was delicious, and I'm glad you liked it.  But you really shouldn't have eaten so much." She told him, her voice soft as she fussed at the back of his head, trying to pull out the tie without hurting him.

"Wait a minute…I can't stay here.  Whatcha doin?" he asked as she finally worked his hair free and ran her fingers through it to loosen it up.

"You don't _sleep_ like that." She explained.  "And you aren't going anywhere like this.  Don't worry.  You know I won't do anything to you."

"Feh," he mumbled, blinking wearily.  "Ya prob'ly did this on purpose." He pouted.

"Sure I did." She rolled her eyes and let go of his hair, knowing she couldn't really do much more to it.  "If you want to think that, go ahead.  Forget that I was the one sitting here and telling you to stop eating."

"Kagura," his voice sounded almost lucid for a moment, but when she turned to look at him, he gave her an incredibly dopey grin before closing his eyes and falling asleep in mere moments.

"Stupid man." She sighed, watching over him as he slept.  "I suppose I'll give up my bed for tonight.  It's the least I can do, isn't it?"  He didn't answer, but then, she didn't really expect him to.  He was out cold.  "I shouldn't have let you drink so much." She admitted.  "But even though it means I don't get to sleep in my bed, it's nice to have someone here."  She layed back, using her arm as a pillow as she watched the unaware wolf youkai.  "Goodnight."  And somehow, just saying that to him made her feel warm.

----------

"Ne?  What the—" Kouga cut off as he tried to jump out of the unfamiliar futon but got caught in the thin blanket keeping him warm.  _Where the hell am I?_ He wondered silently, but when he inhaled the hut's familiar scent and looked down at the woman sleeping on the ground beside him.  _That's right, I came here to see…to check on her.  Then she made dinner…and it was good…but I don't remember much else…dammit, my head hurts! _He groaned slightly and pressed a hand to his forehead as if it would make the pain go away.  He wasn't making much noise, but apparently it was enough to wake up Kagura.

"Sleep well?" she teased, a mocking grin teasing at the corners of her mouth.

"You drugged me!" he accused.

"No, you drugged yourself." She laughed at him openly.  "With all that wine.  Not to mention the fact that you ate far too much."

""S your fault." He pouted.

"Maybe, since I didn't stop you, but really, I don't think it's any more my fault than it is yours.  I told you to stop, but you wouldn't listen."  Kagura reminded him.  He knew she was right, now that he was slowly getting his memory of the night before back.

"You're the one that made the food so good." He accused.

"Oh, sorry, next time I'll be sure to do my worst." She told him sarcastically.  There was a long moment of stubborn silence before Kagura sighed slightly.  One of them would have to give in here, and it wasn't as though she had a lot of reason to preserve her pride in front of the man who'd seen her crying her eyes out on more than one occasion.  "I shouldn't have let you eat that much.  And I shouldn't have given you that wine."  She admitted grudgingly.

"It's not like you made me do it." Kouga grumbled.  Kagura tossed her arms up in the air.

"You know what?  That's fine!  I don't know what you want me to say here!" Kagura snapped.  "I agree with you, and then you get mad at me!  What do you want?"

"I…I don't know!" Kouga got up.  "Maybe you shouldn't just agree with me all the time.  I know you want to argue with me, so why don't you?  Why don't you just say I'm wrong?"

"Is that what you want?" Kagura asked, standing as well.  "You want me to say you're wrong?"

"Yes…I mean, no!"  Kouga sighed in frustration.  "I just want you…I don't know…I want you to stop trying so hard to make me like you."

"But…I want you to like me." Kagura admitted, her tone deflated.  "I just want to make it all up to you."

"Fuck!  You're still on that!  Dammit, you're such an idiot." He growled.  "I'm leaving!"

"Kouga!  No!" Kagura snatched his arm as he moved past her and he stopped.  "Please, don't go.  I don't know what I did, but I'll try not to do it."

"That's the problem.  You shouldn't try to change for me."  He shook his head.  "You should be who _you_ want to be, not who you think _I_ want you to be."

"I know…it's just…hard." Kagura told him, "I know it's bad, but I'm…I'm working on it, okay?  Please don't leave.  Not when you're angry.  If you do…it'll seem like…maybe you won't come back."

"I'm not…" Kouga stopped from admitting he wasn't angry.  "I'll come back."

"Next month?" she asked hopefully.

"Maybe." He told her grudgingly, not wanting to make any promises.  "I'm busy, you know."

"I know." She answered, letting go.  "I'll wait for you."  She spoke as Kouga went out the door as though he couldn't hear her and disappeared into the forest.

*****

The End (Of Part 3, That Is)


	4. Birds

Mwahaha!  Only 10 p.m. and alllllll my homework's been done for TWO HOURS!!!! I rock the house!  Bay-bee!  Okay, enough of me soaking up the wonderful rain of egotistical self-complimenting.  It's time for….MORE STORY!!! Yay!  And Jade…33 days, 23 hours, and 30 minutes!  Woohoo! (okay, I'm way too excited right now.)

*****

Love To Hate You

Part 4

*****

_I'm watching you_

_Watch over me_

_And I got_

_The greatest view from here_

_Mistakes don't mean a thing_

_If you don't regret them_

Silverchair _The Greatest View_

"Will you be spending the night, then?" Kagura stood up, smiling brightly at Kouga as he tried to hide his own smile behind a hand raised to his mouth as though he was wiping away the last traces of the meal she'd made him.  Every month for the past eight months, he'd come to visit her on the day of the quarter moon.  And every time, it was guaranteed that she would spend all day preparing some ridiculous amount of food for him.  And ever since he'd passed out and slept at her hut that first time, he'd always spent the night on his visits.  He had even stayed for up to three days with her, simply helping her with her chores, learning from her, and teaching her.  He'd made her a fire pit three months ago, and he'd been worried she'd get mad about it, as she'd specifically said he didn't need to.  But she broke down in tears when she saw it, saying that it was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for her.  He couldn't explain it, but that still made him feel good.

Anyway, it was amusing to watch her now, so eager for him to say "yes" as though she didn't already know that would be the answer.  But something was stopping him from answering right away.  The way she was with him, how she showered him in generosity, giving what she didn't have in return for something he couldn't name.  The way she always gave him the best she had, the choicest portions of the dinner she made, how she slept on the floor next to him as he rested comfortably on her freshly made futon under the only blanket she owned…somehow, although he liked it, it bothered him at the same time.  She seemed to want to give him everything, almost as though she could convince him to stay "just a little bit longer" with her great kindness.  But she still didn't really seem to care for herself.  Kouga realized that even though she had become much happier than before, she still looked mournful every time he left her.  She still looked just as hopeless without him there.

_She needs me_ he realized.  _She needs me…but she needs me too much.  She doesn't need herself._

"Kouga?" Kagura's wide red eyes were desperate, filling with tears.  It was odd how often she cried these days.  He'd never seen her show any real emotions when they'd been enemies, but now… "Kouga, are you staying?"

"Yeah." He realized that his long pause had caused her to worry that he'd leave.  _What if I_ had _to leave?  Would she have cried?_ Kouga was almost sure she would.  He didn't like seeing her cry, but the idea of her crying because she relied on him so much made him feel guilty.  _I've let her do this.  She acts like some adoring servant around me, and now she doesn't know what to do without me.  What have I done?_

"Alright!  Just let me put away the dishes and I'll turn down the blanket for you!" she answered, bouncing to her feet.

"No…you don't have to." He told her, feeling guiltier than before as he watched her take the dishes over to the little tub of water she'd been heating with hot stones as dinner wound down.

"Don't be silly!  You're my guest!" Kagura smiled broadly at him, putting the bowls in the sink along with the plates they'd used.  Kouga suddenly got an idea, moving to join her.

"Ah…could I help?" he asked, indicating the dishes she was scrubbing clean while she hummed.  He liked the way she did that whenever she was busy, making her soft music.  Her voice sounded so content and it relaxed him.  She beamed up at him, excited to do _anything_ with him, even if it was dishes.  She nodded enthusiastically and he joined her, drying the clean dishes with the small cloth she gave him and putting them in their places.  Usually, when he felt this sort of guilt, helping her with her chores made it disappear.  But when they finished, she scurried over to straighten the bed up just for him, and he felt tightness in his chest.

"Kagura?" he spoke up, wondering how he could make her agree to sleep in her own bed.

"Yes?" she smiled up at him.  She never did anything but smile when she looked at him, except when he was leaving.  Then she usually looked near tears.

"Kagura…you know…I don't need a bed." He began awkwardly.  "I mean, I appreciate it and all, but it's yours.  You should sleep in it."

"But…I won't be able to sleep if you're there on the ground." Kagura's eyes widened.  _Dammit, she's going to cry!  Now what?_ Kouga thought desperately.

"No!  Don't cry!  I just…it makes me uncomfortable, letting a woman sleep on the ground like that.  You could…um…you could get sick or something." He told her, hoping her lip would stop jutting out.

"Well…I don't want you on the ground." She told him, sighing heavily.

"I don't want you there." He added firmly.

"If I had two futons…but I don't have that kind of room." She bit her lip.  Suddenly, her eyes lit up, and a blush covered her cheeks.  "If…we could…you know, this would work out…if we both slept in the bed."

"Both of us?" Kouga gulped louder than he'd intended.

"I'm sorry!" Kagura covered her face, blushing furiously.  "I must sound so stupid!  Imagine, the two of us!  You don't even know me and…oh, I'm sorry."

"Kagura…it's not like that." Kouga rubbed the back of his head uncomfortably.  She thought he didn't know him?  After all the time they'd spent together?  He admitted that he didn't understand her a great portion of the time.  But the thing was…he felt very close to her.  He knew that she knew a lot about him.  And he thought he knew all about her, but now… "I…don't think it's stupid.  We do…know each other, don't we?"

"If…you say so." She blushed even deeper.  They both stared at the futon silently.

"So." He scratched his head softly, looking at the bed as though it was some puzzle he could not solve.

"So." She smiled shyly at him.  "It…um, it won't mean anything, will it?"

"No!  Of course not!" he told her emphatically.  "I mean…it's just because…I mean, there's only the one blanket and…really, you shouldn't be on the floor."

"And neither should you." She agreed.  "So…should we…um…"

"I guess." He bit his lip and waited for her to get into the bed.  Unfortunately, she was waiting for him to go first.  "You go in first."

"Okay." She agreed, looking determined to prove this was all very easy for her.  She offered a weak smile before climbing under the blanket and scooting over as far as she could, looking at him as though she didn't really think he'd join her.  Kouga was having his doubts.  Somehow, this whole idea made him very nervous.

"You know…that futon is pretty small…maybe I should just…" he indicated the ground, but Kagura sat up, snatching his arm and pulling him forward until he almost _fell_ on top of her.

"No!  You said!" she reminded him, looking more determined than ever, though she was still blushing bright red.  "You said it wouldn't matter!  You said we could just sleep in the bed together!" she told him, her voice wavering only slightly.  Looking into her bright red eyes, Kouga knew that when she really wanted something, he couldn't deny her.  Not for long.  Strange that she should hold such power over him.  He kept telling himself he didn't owe her anything, but somehow…time and time again, he ended up giving in to her.

"You're right.  It's fine." Kouga nodded, climbing into the blankets gingerly, laying on his side so he took up less space.  Even then, with both of them at opposite ends of the futon, they were nearly touching.  She blinked at him, her cheeks still tinged pink, and he blinked back at her.  Something about this warmth, this closeness suddenly seemed familiar.  He remembered the days when he was still a cub, sleeping in his mother's arms.  Kagura looked so unsure…maybe if he told her…  "Kagura?" he began.

"Y—yes?" she asked, gulping nervously.

"Do you…um…did you ever remember…like, having a mother?" he asked her, feeling stupid already.  She'd probably laugh, but at least she wouldn't be looking at him so nervously then.

"No." her eyes clouded over with pain, reminded of her cold past.  "I wasn't…I wasn't born like most creatures.  I guess the only type of parent I had was Naraku."

"Oh…that's right.  I'm sorry.  I guess…I forgot." He realized, a bit surprised.  How could he forget something like that?  _Because she's not the Kagura who served Naraku.  She's_ my _Kagura,_ a voice in his mind spoke up.  _Wait!  My Kagura?  Where did_ that _come from?_

"Why?" she asked him.

"Oh…it's just that, being close like this…it's been a long time since I shared a blanket with anyone.  I never…mated or anything." Kouga blushed, feeling like an idiot even more than before.  "But when I was just a cub, my mother would let me…I'd sleep in her arms."  He waited for her to laugh, feeling the blood flow quickly to his cheeks.

"Really?" she finally spoke up.  In the faint moonlight streaming in through her doorway, he could see delight and envy on her features.

"I can barely remember, but it…was nice.  I mean, I felt like I was really safe there." He admitted, encouraged by her tone.  "It's really…not something I ever talked about, you know.  It's kind of embarrassing for a powerful youkai to admit he misses feeling his mother's arms around him." Kouga explained.

"I think it's sweet." Kagura told him.  There was a softness to her tone…and somehow, she seemed different than usual.  She wasn't _trying_ to indulge him, simply agreeing with everything he said.  It had seemed strange at first, but maybe this wasn't a bad idea…  "I wish I could have memories like that." She sighed softly.

"I didn't mean to upset you!" Kouga told her.  "I just thought…maybe you wouldn't be so nervous if I told you that story."

"Because…you trust me?" she asked unsurely.

"I let you feed me all the time.  I sleep with you right next to me.  Of course I trust you." He smiled at her.  There was a long pause, and she seemed to be considering her words carefully.

"Kouga…no one's ever…I never had a mother…and no one cared about me…" she began, obviously flustered.  Kouga suddenly realized what she was getting at.

"Did…you want me to…um…to hold you?" he asked, feeling nervous all over again.

"If you don't want to then…" she stopped as he reached over, his arms going around her waist and her back, pulling them together.  There was a long pause.

"I don't mind." He finally told her.

"This…feels nice." She replied.  Her face was buried in his chest, and he could feel the heat of her cheeks through the thin cloth he wore under his armor.  "You were right.  I feel…kind of like nothing can hurt me here." She wrapped her own arms around him, cuddling closer to him.  "And it's so warm…I feel…so warm."

"Yeah…warm." Kouga could feel a blush building on his cheeks.  She kept wriggling against him and it felt…strange.  He was having a hard time thinking about anything but how soft and warm she was.

"Kouga?" she asked.  "Is this how it felt with your mother?"

"Um…" he gulped, trying to pull away just a bit but finding he didn't really want to.  "Um, not quite."

"Oh." She sounded very disappointed at this.  "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." He told her, patting her head with a shaky hand as he tried to control his sudden urges to do all kinds of inappropriate things to the pretty youkai woman nestled so trustingly in his arms.  "I…like it a lot."

"Really?" she smiled up at him.  "I'm glad."  There was a long silence.  "Kouga?" she finally spoke up.

"Yeah?" he answered, having finally grown used to her closeness.

"Can we sleep like this _every_ night?" she asked, her eyes widening as she looked up at him.

_Dammit…those eyes…she does that every time…_  Kouga knew he didn't have a chance.  "Ah, sure." He finally answered before she snuggled back against him and they both fell asleep.

----------

"Kagura, you know I'll be back here in no time at all!" he pleaded with her to understand.  Kagura, who had grown quite accustomed to their sudden closeness, was nestled to his chest, hugging him tightly as though to hold him there.

"It always seems so long to me." She told him, sighing sadly.  "I know you have friends…but I'm alone here." She told him, pouting up at him sadly.

"Kagura…you shouldn't depend on me so much." He told her, his voice becoming soft with concern.  "What if something happened to me…not that it would…but if it did…then what would you do?  You rely on me too much."

"I…I know, you're right." Kagura nodded, pulling away with obvious reluctance.  "I'm sorry.  I'll…try to do something about it."

"Kagura, you don't have to apologize." He told her, smiling before he turned to leave.  "I'll be back soon!"

"I'll be waiting!" she called after him, sounding bravely cheerful.

_That woman will be my fucking end_

----------

Over the next few weeks, as he waited for the next quarter moon, Kouga found that he was eager to see Kagura again.  Of course, he'd always been eager to taste her interesting food and learn the things only she could teach him without making him feel foolish…but somehow it was different now.  He fell asleep missing the feel of her warmth next to him, and feeling guilty for it all the while.  He found he missed the way she smiled at him, the gleam in her crimson eyes when she first saw him come to visit her.  The way she beamed at him when he helped her do her little chores.  The way she whispered inaudibly in her sleep.  The way she hugged him tight when he left.  The way she made him tea every morning, almost always a different kind until she figured out which flavors he liked best.  Even the way she relied on him so blindly, trusting him completely and showering all of her affection on him, the only friend she'd ever had.

And he found himself watching the spring rains and wondering how badly her badly made roof must be leaking.  He wondered if she would get sick.  What if the creek next to her hut flooded with the rain and washed away her hut?  What if some wild youkai came into her hut while she slept?  What if a demon exterminator found her?  What if she had an accident, climbing all over the hills finding food for her stores?  What if no one was there to help her and an animal found her?  What if she needed him and he wasn't there for her?

_This is stupid!_ He thought more than once.  _But then, she_ is _all alone…it could happen._ And then he'd go back to worrying and missing her.  By the time it was the day of the quarter moon, Kouga had made a decision.

_She needs me, and I can't always be there for her._ He repeated the thoughts as he bounded eagerly toward her familiar hut.  _It's not safe for her, out there all alone.  I'll just have her come to live with the wolf tribe.  I'm sure no one remembers her!_ He told himself, excited at the prospect of having her familiar presence nearby where he could always see her, could always protect her.  And in no time, he was there, slowing to a stop as he came into the clearing.  But this time…for the first time in a long time, she didn't come running out to greet him.  He couldn't smell the scent of food she was preparing in preparation of his arrival.  But he knew she was here.  And he could sense something about her…she was…happy?  Without him there, she was happy?  But how?  Maybe…since he would be coming that day?

Kouga was confused but still excited to see her as he entered the hut where he could smell her.  And there she stood, dancing about and humming as she stroked the throat of a crow who stood on her arm, a dressing wrapped neatly around his left wing.  At his entrance, she started, causing the crow to squawk in surprise.  She smiled at him, but somehow…somehow it wasn't as excited as usual.

"Oh!  Kouga!  You're here!" she sounded surprised, but still pleased.  "I completely fogot that it was that day…" she realized, blushing apologetically.  "I'm afraid I wasn't ready for you…you see, Yachou here has kept me so preoccupied…"

"Yachou?" Kouga looked at the crow unsurely.  "The bird?  Is that what we're eating for dinner…cause it's a bit fresh…"

"What!?" Kagura squealed, and Yachou squawked several times.  Kouga was almost sure that damn bird was glaring at him.  "Yachou?  Dinner?  No!  Of course not!  He's my pet!"

"Your…pet?" Kouga was beginning to like this bird less and less.

"Yes!" Kagura sounded happy again as she turned back toward Yachou, stroking his throat again and kissing his head lightly.  Kouga felt a twinge of jealousy, but pushed it aside roughly.  "I found him only two days after you left!" she told him, still staring lovingly at the bird as though Kouga wasn't even there.  "He was just outside the clearing, looking lost and alone…something had hurt his wing, you see.  He was helpless, with no one to take care of him but himself."  Here she smiled broadly at the extremely smug looking crow.  "Just like me.  So I thought…maybe if we were together we could help each other.  He's very smart, and he's good company.  I was afraid he'd attack me and just stay wild…but he seems so tame.  It must be destiny that brought us together." She sighed happily.  Suddenly, Kouga wondered what crow tasted like.  He'd heard it was disgusting, but somehow, he had a feeling he'd like to try it…

"Sounds great." He told her impassively.  "So…then do you want _me_ to make dinner?" he'd been kidding, thinking she'd see how silly this situation was and come back to her senses, but that's not what happened at all.

"Oh, would you?" Kagura offered him a winning smile.  "That'd be very helpful." She turned back to Yachou as he stood there, dumbfounded.  She began to sing to him softly, dancing again.  _Fucking bird…_ he growled before stomping out of the hut.  _What am I so upset about?  I always thought she did too much._ He reminded himself.  But somehow, when he'd hoped for her to be less dependent, he hadn't pictured it like this.  _She's practically fucking ignoring me!_ He growled as he hunted for something small enough for the two of them to eat.  _Bet we could split that damn bird just fine_, he grinned maliciously.

----------

Kouga couldn't help but grumble as he lay on the ground to sleep that night.  She hadn't even asked him to stay.  When he made to join her in the bed, sure that at least if he had to watch her feeding the best bits of _his_ dinner to that damn piece of shit bird, he'd at least still get to sleep next to her, she'd shooed him away.

                _"Yachou sleeps up here too." She'd explained. "His wing is hurt, you know.  And there's not enough room for all of us."_

_Damn that bird!_  Kouga snarled as he heard her humming to Yachou sweetly.  She'd never sung to _him_.  He pouted as he laid on the ground, feeling very cold.  It wasn't just the air, but he had missed her for so long, and now, it seemed that Kagura was no longer solely his.  She seemed to care only for Yachou now.  _I wonder if she'd notice if I strangled that damn thing._ He wondered, the thought making him smile as he drifted into an uneasy sleep.  It didn't feel right, sleeping so close to her, and yet so far.

*****

The End (Of Part 4, That Is)


	5. Lost

Okay, since my intros never have anything to do with anything, I'll continue that grand tradition of blabbing on about worthless crap.  Oh!  But first, I don't know if she's reading this, but Inuyasha-Loves-Kagome (who I've allowed to write her OWN sequel to TFLG) dedicated a chapter of one of her stories to me!  It wasn't _just_ to me or anything, and it isn't like Jade and I don't dedicate stuff to each other all the time, but the fact that we've never met, and the context…that she admired me and all that…wow, you know, I felt soooo special!  I did this happy dance and everything, and the irony was that I didn't discover this for myself.  Agent Kodama and Agent Willow and I were dining on delicious pizza and breadsticks, teasing Agent Willow for having Disney songs in French (okay, "Can you feel the love tonight" in FRENCH?  Hmmm….) when Agent Kodama remembered reading a dedication to me and Agent Willow remembered reading that story as well, so they find it, and I did my dance and yeah…okay, this is going nowhere.  Anyway!  There are three points to this story!  One:  When someone you don't know dedicates a story or a chapter in part to you, you feel sooo special!  Two:  No matter how hungry I think I am, I can't eat an entire meat pizza when I'm…you know…having woman problems…yeah.  But otherwise I'm sure I'd have had no problem.  And Three:  I will show you, Agent Willow!  I will find Japanese Disney songs!  And then you will cower under the power of all my anime/Disney Japanese songs!  Oh, and even though it has nothing to do with that, Four:  Incubus guy is soooo hot, but if I had to pick between him and Elijah Wood, it would still be Elijah all the way!  Oh…his pretty pretty eyes.  Only for Elijah do I steal magazines from the house.  Oh!  And also, Five: Agent Kodama reads many stories but rarely reviews.  She's baaaaaaad.  I get on her case, but she's apparently "scared" to review.  Okay, yeah, or lazy.  And Six:  33 days, 7 hours, and 25 minutes Jade!  Woohoo!  Oh!  And Seven, this one's ONLY for Agent Chousoku as she's the only one who can fully appreciate it:  March 21st is the Ba'hai New Year!  I _knew_ someone would see that a calendar should be based around me!  Remember triple leap years?  Oh baby, they know where it's at!  Eight:  If I have to reset my diabolical computer clock _one more time_ I'll probably have a panic attack as I arrive late to yet another class!  Nine:  When one spends an hour talking to their Japanese professor instead of eating lunch, Grape Nuts makes a sufficient substitute for real food.  And my Tenth and Final point is:  The Day of Disillusionment draws nigh!  No one named Tom can escape my power!  I will giggle like Nanami!

**Now for things that are actually relevant to the story**:  Madeleine, I shake my head at you as though I were Agent Kodama.  I didn't remember to tell you in the last chapter, but _yes_, Kagura has a convenient spring near her house.  Do you remember when Kouga burned himself?  Where did they go?  Come on, I know you can remember if you try!  You're so cute.  You always miss things, and then ask about them later when you get confused.  *Sigh*.  And Kaerra, that is a good point indeed.  Why _is_ Kagura suddenly distancing herself?  Is she sick of his stupid male ways?  Much like me, is she experiencing feminine problems?  No and no.  Sadly, the idea here is that Kagura doesn't _mean_ to be distancing herself from Kouga.  That's not her intention, but she simply doesn't see that how she's acting could be confusing the poor guy.  Imagine that instead of a crow, Yachou here is like…well, a cat or something along those lines.  It's not much of a stretch.  Now, we all know that when you are lonesome and you have a craving for companionship and someone who depends on you, a pet is one of the best solutions to this problem. (I love my snails!)  Okay, so we see _why_ Kagura would want Yachou, that's not hard.  Now, realize that she's grown so convinced over those three weeks or so of having the injured crow, that Yachou _needs_ her.  Not even in the way that she needs Kouga, but more so.  Yachou is injured and can't fend for himself.  So she treats him almost as though he's a child or something.  Mothers, especially new mothers who have had a hard time in the past with craving that feeling of being needed sometimes feel as though they are the only person in the whole world who can take care of their child…okay, who am I kidding?  Though they don't want to admit it, I have a sneaking suspicion _most_ mothers feel this way to some degree.  So of course, that just makes the bond stronger.  Kouga needs Kagura, but in no way can he compete with the dependence displayed by Yachou.  Also, Kouga's too stupid to admit that he needs her.  Damn men.  So yeah.  It's not that she's _trying_ to ignore him.  She's just so caught up in taking care of her precious bird that she forgets that Kouga needs attention to.  Maybe if he broke _his_ wing…er, arm…hmm…

*****

Love To Hate You

Part 5

*****

_You do something to me_

_That I can't explain_

_So would I be out of line_

_If I said I miss you_

_I see your picture_

_I smell your skin_

_On the empty pillow next to mine_

_You have only been gone ten days_

_But already I'm wasting away_

_I know I'll see you again_

_Whether far or soon_

_But I need you to know_

_That I care and I miss you_

-Incubus _I Miss You_

"Look at you!" Kagura squealed happily as Yachou hopped off of her shoulder and over to Kouga, eyeing the wolf youkai in what seemed a very doubtful manner to Kouga.  Somehow, he knew if he said as much, Kagura would ignore him.  It had been four months since Yachou and him had met, and Kouga didn't like that damn bird any more now than he did then.  "Oh, Kouga, look!  He likes you!  See, I told you he wasn't…" Kagura trailed off as Yachou proceeded to hop onto Kouga's leg, only to grab the largest chunk of meat off of his plate and fly back to the safety of Kagura's shoulder.

"Fuck!"  Kouga growled as Kagura tried not to giggle.  "Damn bird steals my dinner and _you_ encourage it!"

"His _name_ is Yachou." Kagura's back stiffened indignantly.  "And he was just playing with you." Kagura absently scratched the smug crow's throat.

"No way!  He's not getting away with it this time!  That damn bird…he's got it out for me!  Since I first saw him!" Kouga argued, slamming down his plate.  Kagura's eyes flamed angrily at his accusations.

"Yachou gave you _every_ chance!" she hissed at him.  "Even after you called him your 'dinner!'  And then you can't say one nice thing about him!  What do you expect him to think?"

"That fucking bird can't tell what the hell I'm talking about!" Kouga growled, "I wish he could!  I'd tell him just what I think of his damn tricks…"

"Yachou's a lot smarter than you'd think!" Kagura defended her pet.  Yachou squawked and flew out the door in agitation.  Kagura turned an angry glare on Kouga.  "See?  You hurt his feelings!  Are you happy now?"

"Fucking bird doesn't care about anything!" Kouga shot back.

"He cares about _me_.  He knows that I'm not bad.  Yachou doesn't like _you_ though!  What could that mean?" she raised her eyebrows expectantly.

"That damn bird doesn't give a fuck about you!  It only sticks around to piss me off!"  Kouga crossed his arms.  "Miserable bastard."

"Kouga!" she screamed, stomping her foot down and squeezing her eyes shut.  When she opened them again, Kouga noticed in alarm that she seemed to be near tears.  And when she spoke, it was in a soft, emotional tone.  "The reason I stay here by myself is because…well, anyone who met me and knew me, knew what I did, they'd want to kill me.  You've proven that yourself.  But Yachou, he _is_ smart.  I can tell he understands when I'm lonely or when I'm tired or upset.  And he always tries to cheer me up.  He cares about me.  He could care less about my past.  I'll never meet someone who can really see past what I was like that, so to me…to me, Yachou is that thing I've been searching for.  He accepts me and loves me, no matter what I do.  He makes me a better person."

"Kagura…" Kouga spoke up after a long pause.  He stepped toward her, but she backed away, and he dropped the arms he'd reached forward.  "Kagura, you don't need some crow to tell you that you're not that Kagura from before.  _I_ could have told you that.  I _have_ told you that."

"It's different when you say it." She crossed her arms stubbornly.  "You don't mean it."

"Why would you say that?" Kouga growled, angry that she thought he'd lie to her.

"When you look at me, what do you see?" she asked.  "Do you see someone who served Naraku?  Do you see your old enemy, the woman you swore you'd kill?  Do you see her?"

"You changed though!" Kouga told her.  "That's not who you are!"

"That's not what I asked." Kagura stopped him.  "Do you see her?  I don't care if she's dead or not.  Look at me.  Do you see her?"

"I…" Kouga didn't know what to say to that.  "But…that's not all I see."

"You see it though, don't you?" Kagura demanded.

"Yes, but—" he began, but she shook her head, not listening to him.

"All the time, no matter how I've changed, every day of my life, whenever you see me, that's what you see."  Kagura told him, her voice sad and distant.  "Yachou doesn't see that.  He never has and he never will."

"I…see." Kouga suddenly realized something.  Kagura didn't need him anymore.  She hadn't needed him for months now.  And yet…he continued to visit her.  Why?  _Because somehow…I've come to need_ her _instead._  He realized, _how'd I end up here?  When did I start to need her near me?_  Kouga tried to think of the moment, but he couldn't pick it out.

"I don't hate you for that, Kouga." She told him softly, seeing the pain on his face.  She had been angry, but she didn't mean to hurt him.  "I'm just…I just want you to see…"

"That you don't need me anymore." Kouga finished for her in a resigned voice.  "I understand." He sighed heavily and turned toward the door.  She didn't stop him at first, but as he continued out and toward the forest, Kagura ran after him.

"Kouga!" she called. "Why…why are you leaving?  Did I make you angry?" she asked, grabbing at his arm desperately.

"No." he told her.  "No you didn't." he offered her a small smile.

"But…you always spend the night…" she looked up at him unsurely.

"I'm…just…I've been very busy." He lied.  "I have to get back right away."

"Oh…that's okay." She didn't lessen her grip from his arm though.  "And…you…you'll be back?" she prompted him to say the words he'd said every time he left her.

"I…I have to go." He told her, pulling his arm away almost roughly before running away, disappearing from sight as he moved at full speed back to his home.

"But…" she began, but she didn't know what to say.  He was right, wasn't he?  She didn't need him anymore.  He had every right to leave.  He didn't owe her anything, and he never had.  But somehow she felt like she'd just lost something very dear to her.  And then she knew it.  She knew what her heart had only suspected.  She gasped and turned to Yachou, who had just landed on her shoulder.

"Yachou…what have I done?"  she asked him, her voice whisper soft.  "I drove him away…didn't I?"

Yachou only squawked, but she was certain she could see her guilt and remorse reflected in his quick black eyes.  She knew for sure that he realized what she was feeling.  He always did.

"I loved him…and I was too stupid to know that."  She told the bird, who made an odd noise, obviously in an attempt to comfort her.  But somehow, this creature she'd come to rely on didn't have what she needed right now.  "I need him.  He thinks I don't…and he left.  I let him go." She felt tears well up, and she let them flow as she shakily turned to re-enter her hut.  But somehow, that only made the ache worse.  He was everywhere she looked, eating the food she'd left out, sitting next to the fire, talking and laughing.  And he was in the bed, the bed they'd shared more than once.  "No wonder I liked it so much." She sighed, running a hand over the frayed blanket.  "Who wouldn't want to love someone, and have that someone hold them through the night?"  at this, she began to sob outright, falling to the bed as Yachou flew away, squawking in alarmed concern.  "Kouga…please don't leave me now…" she cried in her arms, falling asleep there as darkness fell outside.

----------

It had been nearly five months since Kagura had last seen Kouga.  After he had left without promising to return, she'd stayed inside for most of two weeks, living off the small bits that Yachou gathered and brought to her, berries and nuts and the like.  But winter would come soon enough, and staying inside wouldn't help feed her or Yachou through the winter.  She wished she only knew where Kouga lived.  She could tell what general direction he started in, but after going up the trail a bit, she had no clue as to which way he went.  Even though her sense of smell and sight were stronger than that of a human, she'd never been anything of a tracker.  She couldn't very well make out his weeks-old trail.  But that didn't make it easier for her to accept that he was gone now.  She'd tried to get him back, but it had really been too little too late.  And so she had no choice but to place all her affections in the bird she'd come to know as her only friend, her only company.

The winter came, mildly and without so much as a killing frost for a strangely long amount of time.  But Kagura noticed that Yachou seemed extremely subdued as the weeks went on, without the cold season making itself known.  It wasn't long before she felt an uneasy sense that something was coming, a storm that would put her poor hut to the test and probably find it lacking.  When she realized this, Kagura felt a brief hope that perhaps…perhaps Kouga would worry and come for her.  She smashed it quickly, but then again, instead of trying to find some more stable shelter, she spent her days storing food and trying her best to add clumsy additions to the lacking protection her home offered.  And so, distracted from the pain in her heart by the work ahead, Kagura spent her days and nights this way.  She even began to think that, even though it hurt, with her pet Kagura might really _not_ need Kouga.  Hope shone dimly in her heart that wounds of the past would be healed once more.

Until the morning she woke up to find Yachou missing.

*****

The End (Of Part 5, That Is)


	6. Reunion

I'm back _again!_  Yes, after failing to find Disney music in Japanese, I figured, "Hey, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em."  And then I found a whole bunch of French Disney songs and became Agent Willow's supplier.  Yes, and so, in a way, I _did_ win, as she now like…owes me or something.  Yeah.  Now lemme just write since this is going nowhere.  And then I'm going to South Africa.  Umm…that was an inside joke, so if you don't get it, don't worry.

****

Love To Hate You

Part 6

*****

_I wish that I could find a way _

_To smash my fist right through these walls   
Of ugliness   
And emptiness   
And gently touch your face   
But every time that I touch you   
It feels so far away   
And every time that you need me   
I feel so far away _

I see you silently beside me   
Choking back your tears   
I wonder if you recognize   
The silence there that defines us

Silverchair _So Far Away_

Yachou was definitely missing.

When Kagura woke up and saw that he was gone, she assumed that he'd simply gone off for a short while.  He did that often enough, even though he usually waited until morning to wander off.  But then, after a few hours passed by, she began to worry.  True, Yachou didn't spend every waking moment with her, but even when he flew off by himself, he was never gone for longer than an hour or two.

_He's perfectly fine by himself._ Kagura sighed and closed her eyes to calm herself, but somehow this didn't calm her anxiety.  Instead, she felt a sudden fluttering of extreme nerves flood over her.  _He's fine!  What am I so worried about?  It isn't like he always had me to rely on…he'll be just fine by himself._  Kagura suddenly felt a pull on her chest.  What if he didn't really need her anymore?  What if Yachou became tired of her and simply left, much as Kouga had?  _I don't know if I can take it…being so alone again.  I try to be strong, and yet…when it comes down to it, I'm just afraid that I'll end up all alone, just as I started out._

_I don't want to be alone again._  She sighed sadly, and then heard Kouga's voice in her mind.  _You won't be.  I promise._  Dropping the thatch she had just finished shredding, Kagura sat down roughly in the middle of the clearing.  She didn't mean to sit so suddenly, but hearing his voice…hearing his promise.  It was the last straw for Kagura.  She curled up there, in the still green grass, and began crying, bemoaning all her troubles and worries.

She didn't hear the other person approaching until it was too late.

----------

Kouga ground his teeth irritably as he watched his clan fighting over the newest group kill.  _They shouldn't be so concerned with eating it all anyway.  They're stupid, thinking that there's just not gonna be a winter.  Can't they smell that weather waiting?  They should be storing food…cause that storm's gonna be something when it comes._  Snorting derisively, he considered ordering them to stock the food stores, but somehow…he just didn't care.  It seemed hard to care about much of anything after what happened between him and Kagura.

_It was close.  If I would'a stayed there much longer…might've fucking started to care about her or some shit,_ Kouga pouted stubbornly.  Something inside him nagged that it had already been too late, that he was worried about her right now, worried that her shabby hut would never withstand the coming storm.  Worried that she still needed him, even though… _She didn't stop me from leaving.  She wanted me gone._

"Kouga?" Sanka had snuck up next to the wolf prince, and the fact that Kouga hadn't noticed irritated him as much as the fact that Sanka was interrupting his thoughts.

"What?" Kouga growled irritably.

"Um…I was just…I just realized…you know, that there's a storm coming…and so…and so…" Sanka looked terrified as Kouga glared viciously at him.

"_What?!_" Kouga roared, standing up, as half the tribe came to a halt or stopped arguing immediately.  The other half followed suit about ten seconds later.

"I just thought…we should…store food…if maybe…the storm…I gotta go!"  Sanka bolted out of the cave as though he thought Kouga was going to chase him down.  Kouga snarled and crossed his arms.  He noticed that the other wolves were still staring at him.

"Whaddaya want?" he snarled, storming out of the cave.  He needed to get away.  And now.

He didn't realize where he was headed until he was jumping into the clearing.  Immediately feeling foolish, Kouga turned to leave.  He didn't want Kagura to think that he needed her…not even if he did.  But then something caught his attention.  Just after he left the clearing, Kagura came around the front of the house, holding some thatch she had obviously spent some time preparing to put on her roof.  _Nice to see she's not as stupid as my fucking tribe._ He snorted, but then he realized that she looked very anxious.  _Hey…where's that damn bird of hers at?  What's her problem…Is she gonna…oh gods no._  But nothing he could think would stop her from falling down and crying all over herself.

_Dammit…I guess…that bird's not here…maybe she…needs me?_  His thoughts were almost hopeful as he stepped back into the clearing hesitantly.  Surely she would sense him, and he'd lose his courage if he was faced with those eyes of hers.  But somehow…he had his hopes, though they were selfish, that the reason she was crying was because she missed him.  Perhaps…perhaps he had been wrong.  He would apologize to her, then it would be just like it used to be.

He knelt down next to her, touching her back hesitantly, only causing her to sob louder.  "Kagura?" he asked hesitantly.  She shot up, shock making her blotchy, tear-streaked face go pale.

"It's you." She finally managed to speak as she hiccupped.

"I'm…"  Kouga didn't know whether or not to hug her, so he just stayed as he was.

"Kouga!" she flung forward into his arms, crying again.  He patted her hair, glad she had missed him, after all.  "Yachou…he's missing!  You have to help me look for him."

A low, irritated growl rose unbidden in Kouga's throat.  _Again_ with that damn bird!  But she was looking at him, her red eyes wet, her whole face sad.  Even though she hadn't missed him, it seemed that she needed him now.  And no matter how much it bruised his ego that she missed that damn bird and not him, he couldn't just say no, could he?  "Kagura…he's probably not really missing.  Probably just off somewhere…somewhere birds go." He attempted lamely.

"He's been gone too long!"  Kagura's eyes lit up suddenly.  She stood, pulling away from him.  "We can fly, come on!" and she snatched his hand in hers at the same moment she pulled a feather from her hair, leaping as it grew and pulling Kouga up on it with her.  They flew up high, into the ominously dark sky packed with clouds.  At first, Kouga didn't think much of the clouds.  It had been cloudy for some weeks now.  But it was a lot colder than usual.  And the wind…it was very strong.  He could see how hard Kagura was concentrating on controlling them.  Kouga looked about him anxiously but then felt a cold drop on his hand.  Snow.  It must have just started.  There were only a few flakes in the sky.  In fact, Kouga wondered if Kagura could even recognize it as snow.  Such weather was rare here, but he lived in the mountains, and he'd been alive much longer than her.  The wind was getting stronger as well.  He scooted forward, afraid that Kagura might be swept off of the huge flying feather.

"Dammit," he heard her mutter.  "Where the hell is this?"

"What?  We're _lost_?" He asked before even thinking about it.

"It's this damn wind…I can only control it so well.  It's everywhere!" Kagura snapped, more at the weather than at him.

"It's snowing too, you see it?" Kouga didn't know if she'd understand what that meant, so he told her.  "We can't stay up here.  You'll get killed.  That damn storm…it's here."

She didn't say anything, except for some muttered curses he couldn't quite make out over the sound of the wind, but after a few moments, she took them down in a large meadow.  "Do you…do you know this place?"  Kouga lifted his head, trying to catch some familiar scent on the wind that was still rushing around them even though they'd left the sky.

"No." he sighed wearily.  "Looks like we're lost too." He offered her a short, humorless laugh as they watched the snow coming down in huge chunks.  The wind was beating cold bits against their skin, and Kouga noticed that Kagura was shivering.

"This…this must be what happened to Yachou." She rubbed her cold arms before nodding.  "We've got to keep looking for him!  He could die in this cold.  And if the storm gets worse…"  She sounded so upset that Kouga didn't stop her, following behind the determined woman as the snow came down thicker and thicker.

----------

"Dammit, it's fucking cold out here." Kouga grumbled.  "If I knew I'd be wandering all over the damn place in a snow storm, I would'a worn my winter coats." Kagura ignored him as they trudged through what must have been a foot of snow at the least.  She hadn't said anything about the cold, but he'd been complaining off and on for an hour.  "Oi, Kagura." He said roughly.  She glanced at him to show she could hear him.  "You must be pretty damn cold in that little skimpy kimono."

"Ha!  _My_ clothes?  Skimpy?  You're one to talk!" she indicated the pelt wrapped around his waist.  Kouga growled angrily at her and was about to offer some biting remark when she stumbled slightly.  He caught her before she could fall, and indeed she was very cold.

"Damn!  You're freezing!" Kouga exclaimed.

"Thanks for the obvious." Kagura glared at him, her voice shaking slightly with the cold.  "Now let go of my arm." She pulled from his grasp and continued to trudge aimlessly through the snow.  He snorted angrily and followed her.

"What the hell are we walking through this shit for?" he complained.  "If you pass out dead in the snow, I'm not gonna save you."

"If I'm dead, it's a little late, isn't it?" Kagura shot back.  "Really, you're such an idiot sometimes, Kouga."

"I'm not the one following a fucking bird through the snow!" he growled at her.

"Aren't you?" Kagura raised an eyebrow as she turned to look at him before continuing on.

"You're…that's different." Kouga told her.  "I'm just making sure you don't get yourself killed.  You…you're not strong enough to handle this storm."

"I'm fine!" a slight wavering belied her claim.  Kouga and her walked on quietly for some time.

"Look, we can't see a damn thing in this snow anyway!" he began his argument again, but he was cut off when Kagura stumbled again, really falling in the snow this time.  "Shit!" Kouga growled at himself as he picked up her limp form.  "I _told_ her it was too damn cold."  Grumbling slightly, Kouga gathered her in his arms and headed back toward where he thought he'd seen some possible shelter.

It took him some time to get there, as the snow was much deeper now.  He made a face as he looked at the hole in a rock wall that was about two feet above the snow line.  He couldn't see the back of it, but even though it looked so narrow that Kagura and him wouldn't have any room, he figured it was better than standing in the middle of the snow.  Moving her still unresisting form to his back and holding her with his tail, Kouga climbed up and into the hole, scooting along on his stomach so that Kagura didn't get hit in the head with the rock ceiling's protrusions.  He hissed at his own stupidity as a particularly sharp rock sliced into his thigh.  It wasn't too bad of an injury, though.  He was covered in scrapes and scratches and bleeding wounds like that one when the tunnel began to widen, so much so that he could continue at a crawl.  By the end, he was able to stand up in the small cavern that marked the end of the tunnel.

He looked down at Kagura's blue skin and then looked around for something to start a fire with.  Unsurprisingly, the cave didn't have any such thing to offer.  _If I changed into my wolf form, I could keep her warm…_ he considered, but the cave was far too small for his youkai form.  _What do I do?  She's too weak…she'll die if I can't warm her up._ Kouga looked around desperately for an answer, but he knew he was the only thing here that wasn't a rock or a stinking…wait, what _was_ that smell?  _Something…dead?_ Kouga moved cautiously forward until he found the source of the smell, an old, half rotted human corpse.  _Disgusting thing.  Must be at least half a year old._  Then he noticed something else.  This dead person…they were clutching onto a small supply bag.  Kouga smirked slightly and pulled it out of the cold fingers.  He rummaged through the useless human junk until he found what he'd hoped for.  A blanket.  Not a very good-sized one, and it didn't look very warm to Kouga, but it would have to do.  He moved to the other side of the cave and laid Kagura down carefully on the dirt floor.  He wondered vaguely whether the man had been living here, but he doubted it.  _Too bad he didn't.  Might've left me some firewood_.  Kouga carefully wrapped Kagura in the blanket, listening for a few moments to reassure himself with the sound of her heart, still beating strongly.

"Now to get rid of you." Kouga made a face at the corpse, but he didn't want Kagura to have to see it when she woke up.  He grabbed it a lot more roughly than he'd handled the youkai woman and hurriedly made his way back down the tunnel, not caring whether it hit it's head on the rock ceiling.  _He's dead, anyway.  Can't hurt him now._  Kouga shook his head distastefully at the human before dumping it into the snow, which was ever deeper than before.  Before he turned though, he felt a twinge of guilt.  _Maybe…I should cover it up…not like I'm burying the guy, but he could attract animals with that stink._ Kouga justified as he carried the man a short distance before hurriedly digging a shallow grave and dumping him inside, covering it up with snow numbed hands.  Then he went back to the cave.

"Shit, Kagura." He groaned as he saw that she was just as cold as she was when he left.  "Fucking weak woman."  Kouga then shivered himself, realizing that the cold was intensified by the fact that both of them were in soaking wet clothes.  Growling at his own stupidity, Kouga hurriedly threw his clothes away, tossing them all in a stack before reaching forward to do the same with Kagura.  She was completely unconscious, so he didn't worry about her seeing him like this.  But that didn't stop the slight blush that rose in his cheeks as he tossed her kimono and under-robes on top of his own clothes.  Her face was blue, as were her hands and feet, but the rest of her was pale and smooth and… _Stop thinking like that you idiot!_  Kouga hissed and pulled away from the naked woman as though burned.  He stood stubbornly shivering for some time before he glanced back at her.  She wasn't under the blanket anymore…and he was cold, they were _both_ cold…but then…if they only had _two_ blankets.

_But we don't.  And…if I don't do something, we'll both freeze in here._  Kouga looked grimly at the blanket, bending to pull it up over her cold body before climbing underneath it himself.  _Dammit, she's really fucking cold_, Kouga hissed as her cold skin touched his.  Knowing that he would have to share his heat with her if either of them were to warm up, Kouga hesitantly scooted close to her unmoving form.  _She's gonna kill me when she wakes up.  Fucking woman._ Kouga licked his dry lips as he shakily wrapped his arms around her naked form.  _This is just like before, we've shared a blanket before, this is just like that, nothing's different._ He concentrated on those thoughts, ignoring her body pressed to his, borrowing his heat for itself.  _Just like before…except we're both…and she's…_ his mind flashed on the image of her body and he shook it out of his head.  _That doesn't matter.  This doesn't mean anything like that…I just…she's cold…she could die!_ He justified his actions, tightening his arms around her body and gaining solace from the feel of her heartbeat against his chest.  Concentrating on warming her up, Kouga moved his hands to rub her arms roughly in an attempt to encourage her warming blood to circulate there.

It wasn't long before they were both steadily warming up, and Kouga let his worried mind relax.  He hadn't realized it before, but he was quite tired.  All that tromping through the snow, searching for that damn bird… _It's probably dead._ He snorted slightly, upset that he wasn't pleased with the idea.  It wasn't that he liked the obnoxious thing, but the thought of Kagura finding out that it was gone…he didn't want her to suffer, even if it meant she would remember how she had once cared for _him_ and needed _him_ instead of that damn bird…he couldn't bear to see her sad.  _Why is that?  Why should I be so worried about her?_  He knew now that even though he'd probably not admit it out loud, he'd meant to go searching for Kagura when he'd left the clan today.  He worried about her, how she'd survive the storm that had now driven them to this makeshift sanctuary.  _I was right to worry…she would have died if I hadn't been there to take care of her._  Kouga smoothed her hair down, pulling her head against his chest protectively.  His heart fluttered, and he somehow felt that lying here, with her in his arms…this was where he belonged.  _Well…maybe not in this cave…but somehow, I've come to need this…I need her._  But why?  What was it that Kagura had that held him so fascinated?  She wasn't the first youkai woman he'd met…but something…something about her had touched him in a way he thought he'd never be touched again.  His mind suddenly flashed on the image of Kagome.

Kagome…the mysterious miko from a different world.  Somehow, she had tamed him without trying, without knowing.  He had fallen in love with her, even though she was a human.  His heart had been to naïve, and he hadn't been guarded against such things.  But after what happened…after she chose Inuyasha instead…he felt so worthless, so pained, that he'd closed himself off from that feeling that had once made him lightheaded and warm at the very mention of her name.  Kagome had been his first love, and it was a feeling he would never have again.  Even so…when he looked at Kagura…there was something so familiar about it.  It might not feel the same, but it wasn't a less intense feeling…just different.  Yes, he was in love with her, the woman he'd once sworn to kill.  _I love her…but how did this happen?_  His brow furrowed in worry.  How had she overcome his defenses without his notice?  He hadn't fallen in love with her at that moment, it was simply that he hadn't noticed until then.  _And to think…she once needed me so much…she'd do anything for me.  Perhaps then, back before that bird…perhaps she loved_ me _as well?_  The thought made sense.  She had loved him, but as she felt she was such a terrible person, perhaps…perhaps she'd been to scared to say anything.  And then…after so long, her love must have died, sure that he didn't feel the same way.  _I'm so stupid.  Why couldn't I have seen this_ before _now?  When I could have had her…_ Kouga sighed in regret, but then his mind went back to the situation they were in.  Both of them were quite warm now, but she was still sleeping peacefully in his arms.

_The way we're lying…exposed, but together…sharing a blanket as though…as though we're mates._  The thought made Kouga smile softly down at her, a touch of sadness in his blue eyes.  _If it's too late…at least I can have this moment.  I can pretend, can't I?  To wake up with her….that will be enough.  That will_ have _to be enough for me._  Still feeling upset about his revelations and how they'd come too late, Kouga bundled Kagura closer to him, enjoying the feel of her in his arms.  His eyes closed as he drifted to sleep finally.

_To be with her…at least now…that's all I have._

----------

Kagura felt warm.  Very warm, in fact.  And safe, she felt safe and warm.  And then…that other feeling, surrounding it all…something like…love?  Yes, she felt as though she was loved.  Something like the feeling she received from Yachou, but very much more intense.  It surrounded her, like a warm body of…wait a second.  _What's that feeling?  Is there someone…someone in this bed with me?_  It was then that she opened her eyes.  She couldn't see much, though.  She was in a very dark place, and someone was holding her head to their chest so that she couldn't really see anything unless she moved.  And for some reason, she didn't really _want_ to move.  This chest…it was a man…and he smelled…he smelled very good to her.  Familiar and safe.  But she realized that something was strange, and much as she enjoyed being held by this person, close and gentle as though she was someone important…someone she could never really be…she couldn't just lay there and accept it.  Tilting her head up gently so as not to wake the other person, she looked up at the all too familiar face in sweet repose.  Kouga?  But how…and when had he…

It took a few moments for her to remember exactly how Kouga had come back, how they had gotten lost in the vicious blizzard, how she had kept searching for Yachou even though she had to deal with Kouga's complaints.  She vaguely remembered feeling extremely cold…and tripping?  After that, she couldn't remember a thing.  She figured that Kouga must have brought her to this little cave afterwards.  And…for some reason…stripped down naked?  And wait a second…wasn't she also…oh gods!  Kagura yelped in shock and attempted to jump away, but her yelp had woken him up, and he kept her down under the blanket even though he was only half awake.  When he felt her pull away, he simply wrapped his arms around her more tightly, making a deep noise of protest and nuzzling her hair affectionately.

"Go back ta sleep." He mumbled, kissing the top of her head before bending his neck to rest his cheek against her head.  "'S too early."

"What the hell?" Kagura squawked.  Did he just _kiss_ her?  Who was _he_ dreaming about, she wondered.  "Dammit, Kouga, wake up," Kagura hoped that her deep blush would be mistaken for a flush of anger, because her cheeks felt like they were flaming and she _knew_ he'd be able to tell, even though it was dark in this cave.  She didn't want him to know that his closeness and the mistaken display of affection were affecting her so strongly.  She didn't want him to know that she still loved him and needed him so much that it made her hurt.

"Mmm, Kagura," Kouga, although slightly awake, seemed oblivious to her mortified state.  He stroked his hand through her hair a few times before trailing his fingers down her spine and kissing her forehead.  "'M still sleepy.  Lets just sleep…a little longer." He yawned and lay still again, except for the hand on her back, still lazily trailing up and down her spine in an attempt at relaxing her.  It wasn't working very well.

"Kouga…" Kagura gulped.  At least before, she could have pretended he was thinking of someone else, but the way he said her name…it made her shiver in delight.  He knew it was her, and yet, he sounded so happy to be lying together like this.  He seemed so content…and almost as though there couldn't be anything more natural than this.  Now that she stopped to appreciate it…this was definitely nice.  He had probably done this to warm them both up, but even though it was an embarrassing realization, it had obviously affected both of them much more deeply than that.  "Kouga…I need to ask…" Kagura realized that in his state, he might not remember anything she asked.  It was the perfect opportunity to confirm his intentions in this situation.

"Ne, Kagura, go to sleep…'s warm." Kouga moved his head to kiss her forehead again.  Kagura got a sudden idea, but the very thought of being so forward brought her blush back full force.  _What the hell…he's half asleep…he'll probably just think it was some weird dream._  Gathering her courage, Kagura tilted her head up slightly so that Kouga's lips fell on her own.  Too scared to do much else, Kagura just enjoyed the feel of his lips on hers, but he made a soft noise, pressing his mouth against hers roughly, his tongue demanding entrance.  She was too shocked to resist, so Kagura let him deepen the kiss, savoring his taste, the way she could smell nothing but him.  The way she could see love in his eyes when he looked at her, still a bit groggy.  Wanting more, she kissed him again, encouraging him.  They broke, but his hands were tight on her body, and suddenly it seemed _very_ warm, pressed against his body.  Kouga was now awake, and his body stiffened a bit, nervously.  What was going on?  Had she just…kissed him?  Was it a trick?

"Kouga…" her voice was breathy, and her eyes were half lidded with passion.  "I've wanted this…for so long…I've wanted you."

"Am…am I still asleep?" he asked.  Kagura smiled warmly at him.

"No, you're awake." She told him, kissing along his jaw line softly.  "Why?"

"I just…thought maybe I was dreaming." He admitted, his breath catching as she paused to pay attention to his pointed ear, suckling the lobe lightly.

"Uh-uh…" she told him, "You taste nice." She whispered, causing him to lose control.  He wanted this too…and if she wanted to be with him now, he wasn't going to waste this chance.  And even if it was a dream, he'd make the most of it.  He never wanted to forget the way it was with her, the feel of her flesh, the heat of her lips, the taste of her skin, the smell of her hair…he'd never forget this night.

*****

The End (Of Part 6 That Is)

What, you thought they'd have super snowstorm sex and suddenly the story'd be over?  Feh!  I think not!  Now, I'd just like you all to know that this chapter came very closed to being named  "Operation: Kouga and Kagura are weirdoes who make sweet love in caves" because…well, if you've ever seen Utena, you'd understand the reference there…but yeah…it kinda blew the end.  Plus…it was more of a joke that Jade came up with.  We discussed the scene where Kagura first wakes up, and we decided that the storm must have still been affecting Kagura's brain, because really, what woman in her right mind would try to escape the clutches of sweet ecstasy (Kouga Cave Lovin')?  Yeah, and Jade's comment was "The best part of waking up is naked Kouga in your bed!"  Following her example of using slogans in a lurid way, I commented that "There's always room for Kouga sex!"  Yeah…and has anyone else noticed that she seems much more concerned with naked Kouga than with her _still_ missing crow?  Okay…I know it's mean, but come on…Yachou….or Naked Kouga?  It's not a tough decision, come on.  Yeah.  I need to stop ripping on my own story now.  Ja ne!


	7. Discovery

I got a shot today, and I have a bandaid, and the nurse gave me a lollipop!  Super score on that action!  Okay, and you don't know how pleased I was to read that Calendar gets so much entertainment from my stupid pointless jabbering!  Wow, and here I was thinking that no one even wanted to read about me going on about how great naked Kouga cave loving was!  Okay…and I just want you all to know that I have hot manga Suzaku Seishi staring at me, and it's really hard to concentrate on things, but I'll do my best!  And imouto-chan, thanks for giving me your poem for this chapter!  You rock the house!

*****

Love To Hate You

Part 7

*****

_In the darkness full of mistrust_

_What did we see last night?_

_Was it some never-failing light?_

_Will you love me tomorrow?_

_Can we forget our sorrow?_

_Do you think it was meaningless?_

_It wasn't the same after your kiss_

_Was it all wishful thinking?_

_All my hopes are shrinking_

_Don't forget how you held my hand_

_Leave me now and I might never understand_

_Will you love me tomorrow?_

_Can we forget our sorrow?_

_Do you think it was meaningless?_

_It wasn't the same after your kiss_

_Warm embraces I won't forget_

_Something that resembled the love I could not get_

_Did you just pity my tears?_

_Or were you ready to let go of fear?_

_Will you love me tomorrow?_

Jade _Will You Love Me Tomorrow_

Kouga had been awake for some time now, just watching Kagura sleep in his arms.  _Sometimes, when we argue about stupid, I forget that she's a woman.  But here…right now.  She's so right._  He let out a long breath, smoothing his hand over her delicate waist.  _She seems…so harmless here.  It's like…she trusts me completely.  I guess that only makes sense, when I think about it.  She's…my mate now._

The realization brought a smile to his face, and he lifted a hand to run his fingers through her hair.  _Mates…that's right.  Now she can come to live with me and the rest of the tribe.  She'll be safe there, and every night, we'll be together…_Kouga leaned his head down to kiss her head firmly, not knowing how else to show his feelings to the sleeping woman wrapped up in his embrace.  It was amazing how things could change, how people could end up somewhere completely different than where they started.  The two of them…when he first saw her again after Naraku's death, he'd been ready to kill her…he almost _did_, but something had stopped him.  Her eyes, maybe, or the shock of seeing her cry like that.  He couldn't name what force had stopped him from taking her life, but he'd _never_ have guessed then that they'd end up mated.  _It would have seemed so ridiculous to me then.  I wasn't the only wolf out for her neck…I mean, she'd never last a day in the clan if I…_  Kouga's eyes went wide in panic and sudden realization.  _Wait…that's right!  I'm_ not _the only wolf youkai who wanted her dead.  If she was my mate…she'd have protection…but I can't be there all the time…something would happen, I know.  She might…be taken away from me…_

This prospect seemed all too likely to Kouga.  It was true that as his mate, no one would dare to touch her while he was around.  But the wolf youkai weren't nearly as respectful of his station as they should be.  Sometimes it seemed as though the only reason they followed him was because none of them were stronger than him.  But what if…what if something happened and everything changed?  It was a prospect that had never worried Kouga before, but if he had a mate…or even a child…what would happen to them if someone managed to take over his position at the head of the clan?  Knowing that the tribe must hate Kagura as he had hated her once, she'd likely fall to their claws as soon as his back was turned, even if he was _still_ their leader.  And if they were to have a child, it would likely die with her.  Though he doubted she'd survive pregnancy.  Once they saw that she was with child, they'd be more tempted than ever to rid themselves of the woman who had killed so many of their friends.  They didn't know her like he did.  They'd never believe how she had changed, that she wasn't the Kagura who had wreaked havoc on their clan years ago.

_I can't let them kill her…but if we're mates…if I simply leave the tribe, something could happen to_ them, _and then I'd be responsible…there's nothing to do.  No way to have them both, is there?_  Kouga tightened his arms around her, kissing her cheeks, her eyelids, her forehead.  _She's mine…but if I want everyone to be happy…I have to do this.  It's the only way she'll be safe._  Kouga pressed his mouth to hers, wanting one last kiss, which she responded to even in her somnolent state.  _I'm sorry, mate._ He apologized in his mind, looking down at her sadly.  _I wasn't lying when I was with you, when I said that I wanted this too…I still want it.  But I want you to be safe.  And if you're to be safe…we can't be…_  Kouga couldn't even finish the thought, pulling away from her reluctantly and hissing as the cold air hit his skin.  He moved quickly to get dressed in his now dry clothing.

Kagura wasn't awake yet, though she had stirred and frowned slightly when he left the blanket.  Sighing deeply, he lifted her robes and set them softly next to her for when she woke up.  And then he sat down, simply watching her sleep.  _She can't be mine…but for a little longer…just a little longer, I can pretend._  He sighed slightly as he watched her in the dark cave.  She didn't sleep for too long, and to him, the illusion of happiness died all too quickly as she mumbled his name and flapped an arm around, looking for a warm body that was no longer there.  Kouga couldn't bear to watch her any longer, so he stood and left the cave.  Outside, the snow had stopped falling, but it still covered the ground in a thick blanket.  It wasn't a problem though.  Following the now-visible sun, he'd be able to find the way back easily enough through the forest.  That would be the best way.

"Kouga," Kagura's arms slipped around his waist, and he had to fight to control his raging emotions.  This was going to be more difficult than he thought.  "Why'd you leave me all alone?  It was cold." She pouted, resting her face on his back and sighing happily.  Kouga struggled to make his voice steady and neutral.

"Stop that, we have to get going." He told her.  His voice wasn't as firm as he could have wished, but it was enough to get the point across.  She pulled away slightly, craning over to look at his face suspiciously.

"Okay then, let's go." She set out ahead of him and looked at the sun, judging the time and it's direction before she reached into her hair for a feather.  "You coming?"  she asked him, smiling shyly.

"I'll meet you there…I've got some things to do." Kouga lied, waving her ahead with the most reassuring smile he could manage.  It seemed she really _did_ trust him, as she shrugged and looked a bit disappointed but didn't argue, throwing up her feather and leaping up and into it as it flew higher into the sky.  He nodded at the disappearing shape.  It was better this way.  If she saw him…it would just be more difficult.  He watched the sky a few more moments before heading back to his clan.

_Goodbye Kagura, my mate_.

----------

"Where could he be?" Kagura asked her crow, who had been waiting for her faithfully when she returned to her hut.  She'd been ecstatic to see Yachou still alive, and she'd told him all about the night her and Kouga had shared while cleaning up the storm damaged shelter busily.  It had been very happy work, waiting for Kouga's delayed arrival, but after everything was clean and dinner was made, he still hadn't returned.  She had thought perhaps he'd been going to check on his people.  After all, he was their leader and he likely was worried about how the storm had affected them.  But he didn't come back the next day.  Or the rest of the week.  It had been a month now, and the weather was constantly nasty.  Kagura was glad she'd stored all that food, but not being able to go out all day just made her sit and think about Kouga.  That wasn't something that she needed.

"Yachou, I don't know about that man…"  Kagura told Yachou, who stood next to her head as she lay miserable under her blanket, missing Kouga.  "I don't know…when I'll see him again.  Maybe he just wanted to use me all along." She suggested, standing and walking to the door to look for his return.  It was futile, and she knew it, but she stood there anyway, waiting faithfully.  "I…thought that when youkai like him…I thought they mated for life, but I guess I don't know much about life, do I Yachou?"

Yachou didn't answer, but she knew he couldn't.  No matter how she cared about him, he was only a bird.  He could never take the place of her dear Kouga.  As sad thoughts drifted through her mind, it began to snow.  Kagura didn't mind though.  The weather fit her mood.

----------

She was coming out of the hut.  Kouga straightened in his perch outside the clearing, hidden from view as he watched her scoop some of the snow up into her cauldron and take it back inside.  _She'll be making something good for dinner…it's been so long since I've tasted her food…since I've tasted her._  Kouga sighed aloud at the thought.  It had been well over two months since that fateful night when she'd last seen him.  He'd not had the courage to face her, but he couldn't help but worry more than ever about how she was faring in the long, cruel winter.  She seemed to be getting on well enough.  He visited every week, sometimes more often, sitting and watching her all day.  A few nights, he'd even gone into her hut at night, watching her sleep for some time before kissing her temple and leaving before she could know he was there.  It had been nearly a month since he'd been so close to her, and he thought that tonight, he'd wait for it once more.  He'd savor what little he could have from her, the woman who, in his heart, was still his mate even though he'd never fully marked her.  He'd never lived with her, and he'd never given her a child, but it was all the same to him.  She was his love, his heart, his one mate, now and forever.  Perhaps in time, she'd find someone else, and though it would hurt him beyond belief, he wouldn't deny her the happiness she might find in another.

Kouga dwelled on thoughts of her as the sun slowly set.  He sat and waited patiently even after then, watching as stars appeared in the crystal clear sky.  He watched the constellations shining in the sky until he knew the time was right.  Leaping out of his tree, he crept to her hut silently, making a soft noise of comfort when Yachou noticed him.  The crow made a slight noise of disapproval, but he moved from Kagura's side so that Kouga and her could be alone.  The crow seemed to know what was going on here, and it made Kouga feel guilty, knowing that Yachou probably had to deal with Kagura's sadness all on his own.

_Kagura…_  She smelled so sweet, so warm.  He wanted to climb under her blanket and simply give in to his feelings.  She was his mate, and he wanted to be there for her, but he couldn't.  It just wasn't safe.  He bent low, inhaling her scent deeply.  It was different than it had been a month ago…in fact, it had been odd every time he visited her.  It wasn't a bad smell.  In fact, it was very relaxing, but it wasn't something he was used to sensing in her unique aroma.  It was something familiar…something he'd smelled before, he knew, but not on her.  In the blend of her own intoxicating scent, it was hard to discern what it could be.  Lowering his head further, Kouga rested on her stomach, watching her chest rise and fall as she slept.  And then he heard something very odd.  Something that almost made him yelp in surprise.  Either Kagura was having some stomach problems he didn't understand…or something was…inside her?  What could it be?  Panic lit his eyes as he pictured a crow demon burrowing it's way inside her.  But no…Yachou wouldn't be nearly so calm if his mistress were dead.  And besides she _was_ breathing.  And then it hit him.

He made the connection.  The noises inside her.  The tiredness he'd seen in her eyes earlier, but had dismissed as normal fatigue.  And of course, that smell.  How stupid was he!  Kagura…she was pregnant.  _But how!?_  Kouga immediately dismissed that question as utterly stupid.  He knew _how_ she had become pregnant.  Obviously, there weren't a lot of ways that such an event could occur.  But…did that mean?…  _Is it mine?  All this time, she carried my child, and I did nothing but hide from her.  What the hell is wrong with me?  This is my responsibility!_

But he had no more time to silently berate his own stupidity as she suddenly moved, pulling a small knife from under her pillow and putting it to his throat before she saw who it was she was about to kill.  "What are you doing here?" she asked, her voice disturbed.

"I came…to see you." He told her.  No use lying now.  He was caught.  And now…with her in this condition, he couldn't leave her.  He couldn't.  If it meant choosing between the tribe and her, he'd just have to go back, appoint a new leader, and come stay with her for good.  It was pointless trying to stay away from her.  She was a part of him.  And his child…it was inside of her.

"Leave." She finally replied.  "I don't want you here." She hissed at him angrily.

"But…Kagura," he grabbed her arm so that she'd stop slapping his chest.  "I know…about the child."

"So you decided you had to come back then?" she asked.

"Yes." He answered.  "I couldn't turn my back on you."

"Funny, that's what you've been doing for the past three _months!_"  Kagura yelled at him, pulling at her arm, but he had a firm grip on it.  "Where the hell were you then?"

"I…had some things to do." Kouga told her lamely.

"Oh, and so you're done then?"  She asked, looking extremely skeptical about this story.  "And you decided to drop by and see me?"

"Kagura…you aren't being fair…" Kouga attempted to calm her, but she just got more upset at his words.

"I'm not being fair?  _I'm_ not being fair?!" she yelled, her face scarlet with rage.  "You're the one who…who…used me and then…you lied!  You said you'd be right behind me!  You bastard!  You left me alone!  You promised…"  Kagura was getting very emotional, and Kouga was afraid she was going to start crying.  In fact, tears were welling in her eyes.  "You promised…I'd never have to be alone…and you lied.  You left me."

"Kagura…I'm sorry.  It was stupid, but I thought that…" Kouga began.

"I don't _care_ what you thought!  I was alone!  You left me alone, you lying asshole!"  Kagura slapped his chest again, finally pulling her hand away and crossing her arms.

"Kagura, I'm sorry it took me so long to see it…but I _did_ come back." He attempted again.  "I…you're pregnant, and it's my child too!"

"Who said it's yours!  You don't know what I do!" she glared at him.

"It's mine." His voice was low and dangerous, and Kagura decided that might not be the safest way to taunt him.  "You're my mate."

"If I'm your mate, then why have I had to live alone these past months?" she asked.

"Because…just because." Kouga stood up.  "I…I have one last thing to do, and then I can always stay with you."

"Whatever." She snorted.

"I'll come back." He told her, waiting for her reply, but there was none.  He ran off into the night.

----------

Kagura washed her face with the freshly heated water, stripping down to her under robe to clean her body in the warm water.  There was no way she was going to bathe in the freezing cold stream.  It couldn't possibly be good for the baby.  Yachou, who always guarded the door when she was busy inside, suddenly squawked to warn of someone's arrival, and Kagura turned just as Kouga entered the hut.

"Dammit!  Get out of here!  I'm bathing!" she threw one of her cooking stones at his head and felt satisfied when she heard him yelp in pain and bolt back out the door.  "What the hell are _you_ doing here again?" she asked irritably, cleaning her arms.

"I said I'd come back." He told her from outside the hut.  He sounded a bit angry, but then, she _had_ just pelted him in the head with a rock, so that was understandable.  "I came back."

"Well that's a surprise." Kagura spoke in a biting tone.  "You _said_ you'd come back and you actually _did_?  Must be something special to bring you back here."

"You have something that belongs to me." He answered grudgingly.

"What's that?" she asked, finishing with her body and drying off with a small cloth she kept for the purpose.

"My…um…you're my mate." He stumbled.  Strange, it was almost as though he'd been about to say something else.  She wondered why he'd changed his answer, but didn't bother to ask.

"You can come in now." She told him after pulling her outer robes back on and tying them neatly.  He entered the hut just to be handed the cauldron of warm water.  "Go dump this out." She ordered.  Kouga made a highly indignant face, but followed her instructions.  When he came back inside, she was climbing into her futon.

"How are you tired so early?" he asked roughly, obviously still upset.

"I'm pregnant, you insensitive ass.  I need my rest." She sniffed at him incredulously before turning her back to him to go to sleep.  Kouga didn't mind though.  He simply sat there and watched her as she slowly fell asleep.

"Dammit, if she's gonna be mean to me…I might as well get some compensation." Kouga justified his actions as he climbed into the futon behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist possessively.  "You're mine now, Kagura.  And I'm…" before he finished, he closed his eyes and fell asleep against her.  After all, he'd been running around all night, appointing a "temporary" leader to the clan who refused to take full title.  He doubted he'd ever come back though.  Kagura wouldn't ever want to.  She didn't even seem to want him there…but when he kissed her temple, she seemed to smile.  Just a small bit, but it was there.

*****

The End (Of Part 7 That Is)


	8. Payback

Okay, if I was Kagura, I'd be pissed and all right now, but really, come on. How long can she stand up to the awesome power of Kouga's hotness? I guess we'll see. But if I was her, I'd probably lose all sense of resolve after like…oh, a good ten minutes. Yeah. I mean, you've seen Kouga, right? He's damn hot! But…I guess Jade's claimed him, so I'll just watch from afar and admire his power to be soooo hot!  
  
*****  
  
Love To Hate You  
  
Part 8  
  
*****  
  
My present situation makes me think too much, too much  
  
It all revolves around you  
  
This life that I'm living means nothing without you  
  
I'd shed my skin for you  
  
What would you want me to do?  
  
I will always love you, but I can't live like this  
  
This problem here is my fault  
  
It's not that I don't care but I'm so lost  
  
Adema Skin  
  
"Stupid bitch." Kouga grumbled as he lashed fresh thatch on top of Kagura's roof. He'd been with her almost a month now, and she still refused to say five words to him, unless she was criticizing him or ordering him around like some servant. Ever since that first day, he'd not made any attempt to be affectionate with her. When she woke from her nap to find him at her side, she'd been furious. She called him names he'd never even heard before, throwing every hard object she had at him as she cursed. Then she'd grown tired and burst into tears, and since he was too afraid to try to hug her, she yelled at him again and made him sleep outside that night.  
  
It was unbearable, how she treated him like some lowly creature, here only to serve her. Every day, he had to prepare all the meals, and she invariably found something wrong with his cooking no matter how hard he tried to please her. Every day, she had him working at a dozen tasks, half of which were terribly pointless. She'd had him make a broom, and then forced him to sweep her dirt floor before and after every meal. Every task she set him to do, though, she was never satisfied with his work. She'd order him to do something only so she could then tell him how horribly he'd done. And though it caused him no end of grief and he pouted and called her names when she wasn't there, Kouga did follow every one of her orders. He owed her, and he knew it. What he'd done…how he'd left her…she couldn't forgive him so easily, and secretly, it made him love her all the more to see how proud and strong she was.  
  
And yet…at night, he couldn't help but hope that as he placed the broom in it's place, she'd tell him that he could share her blanket. Every evening, his hopes rose that perhaps she'd finally forgive him, but every night, she went to bed alone, having him sleep on the floor. And every morning she woke up after him, but always early enough to complain about how he was too lazy to have finished making breakfast yet. She cursed and snapped at him every chance she got, but he secretly craved her attention, even if it wasn't the exact type of attention he wanted. It was something. And he craved it almost as much as he craved those moments he "accidentally" would brush by her, close enough so that their skin touched. Every time he did it, she shot him a glare that told him how unwelcome even that much attention was, but he didn't mind. It was all he had. She was all he had.  
  
But sometimes…sometimes she was a completely different person. She'd be in the middle of her dinner, and suddenly, she'd burst into tears. He had learned at this point that he was expected to offer her ample comfort at these times, even though, as far as he could see, she had no real reason to start crying like that. He remembered someone once telling him that when youkai women were pregnant, they acted strangely, but as far as he could tell, that was an understatement. One minute, she was telling him how he'd put too much broth in his stew, and the next she was bawling pitifully, curled up against his chest.  
  
She was a difficult woman to understand, but she was his woman. Just as he was hers.  
  
-----------  
  
"What the hell is this?" Kagura picked at the chicken he'd roasted for dinner. "Look how dry the meat is! You didn't keep it wet enough, you idiot. You can't do anything right, can you?"  
  
"I guess not." Kouga answered sullenly, pouting over his own portion of the meal.  
  
"How am I supposed to eat this?" she complained after swallowing a mouthful. "You used too much pepper again! It's disgusting."  
  
"You don't have to eat it." He told her, still sullen.  
  
"There's no excuse for this! I've shown you how to do it right, and you simply can't remember." Kagura complained, eating anyway. "What do you need to learn to do it right?"  
  
"Maybe I need you." Kouga said, but at her vicious glare he added, "To show me again…that is."  
  
"Why do I even keep you around?" Kagura asked him, looking at the ceiling in annoyance. "You can't do anything at all helpful."  
  
"I won't leave." He told her, his voice firm.  
  
"Sure." She snorted. "What's keeping you here?"  
  
"You have something of mine." He told her, finishing off his dinner and moving to wash the plate he'd used.  
  
"Yeah, sure, I'm your mate, aren't I? I belong to you, huh?" she teased him.  
  
"You are, and yes, you do belong to me." He told her as he dried the plate and put it away, not returning to his seat but heading for the door. "But that's not what it is." He told her.  
  
"Where do you think you're going?" she asked him, a bit taken aback by his calm tone and his words.  
  
"Do you care?" he asked, his voice bitter as he turned pained blue eyes on her. "Don't worry, I'll be back to wash your dishes for you, princess."  
  
"Huh, if I'm a princess, where's my castle?" she called after him mockingly, but he didn't answer. He headed toward the back of the hut and walked a short way before laying down with his hands behind his head as he stared up at the stars sparkling in the night sky. He lifted a hand, looking at his palm and then turned it over, noting his claws before dropping the hand on his stomach.  
  
"What was that all about?" Kagura's voice, for once, was soft and unsure. "Worried about your princey little fingers getting dirty?"  
  
"No." he answered back, not even turning to look at her. There was a long pause.  
  
"Well…aren't you gonna tell me what you were doing?" she asked, curiosity evident in her voice.  
  
"Why should I?" he asked, but his voice wasn't cold. Just…very tired.  
  
"Why…shouldn't you?" she wanted to know, kneeling beside him.  
  
"Because…it doesn't bother me when you tear me apart every day. But there are some things…some things I want to keep safe for myself." Kouga answered in a thoughtful tone, blinking up at the stars. Kagura huffed slightly, deciding to tease him for not talking to her.  
  
"Oh, how mysterious." She mocked him. "You know, I don't really care about your little secrets, and I'm not going to forgive you just because you're trying to be all deep." She informed him.  
  
"Some days…I don't think you ever will forgive me." He told her as she stood up. It stopped her in her tracks.  
  
"Then why do you stay?" she asked. "If you know that I'll never forgive you for treating me like that, why do you stay?"  
  
"You have something of mine." He told her, closing his eyes and smiling slightly.  
  
"Idiot." She stormed back to the hut, trying not to dwell on his words and what they might mean.  
  
----------  
  
"Make sure to sweep all of the floor. Don't try to skip bits because you're lazy." Kagura spoke up from where she lay on her futon, watching Kouga sweep the floor while grumbling under his breath.  
  
"Yeah, yeah." He said sullenly.  
  
"Hey, wouldn't it be funny if your tribe could see you now?" Kagura suddenly giggled. "I mean, think of it, their leader, following after some woman and doing everything she says. Pretty entertaining, huh?" She was being mean, she knew, but she was still mad about that night a few weeks ago when he refused to tell her whatever secret it was that he'd been thinking about.  
  
"I'm not their leader. Not really." He answered, tiredly sweeping the debris out the door.  
  
"What do you mean? I thought you were the great prince of the wolf youkai or something silly like that." Kagura continued to tease him as he put his broom back in it's place.  
  
"I am the prince." He answered, moving to the spot on the floor where he always slept. "But I gave it up."  
  
"Gave it up?" Kagura snorted. "Can you do that?"  
  
"I did it, didn't I?" he asked her.  
  
"But why would you?" she wanted to know.  
  
"Because…I found something more important to me." He answered, not bothering to elaborate.  
  
"You mean…" Kagura suddenly felt guilty. Somehow, she'd not felt guilty all this time, but now that she really looked at the situation, she realized that perhaps…perhaps she was a bit harsh to him sometimes. "For me?"  
  
"You have something of mine." Kouga confirmed. Kagura furrowed her brow, refusing to ask what it was that he kept insisting that she had.  
  
"Sure I do." Kagura grumbled, pulling her blanket snugly under her chin to avoid a cool breeze that went through the hut. She noticed that Kouga didn't have a blanket, and for an instant she wondered if perhaps he was cold. Only serves him right. "Kouga?" she asked, trying her hardest to keep her voice cold. But it was hard to manage when he was staring at her with those bright blue eyes of his.  
  
"Yeah?" he answered, sounding a bit resigned. He probably thinks I'm going to send him to do a chore. That's all I ever do, it seems.  
  
"What…you know how you were gone?" she asked. "What made you come back?"  
  
"I need you." He answered, his voice shaking slightly with emotion. "I couldn't stand to just watch over you. I had to be with you."  
  
"Well isn't that just the sweetest…wait a second…what do you mean?" she asked.  
  
"What?" Kouga suddenly looked a bit nervous. Obviously he'd let something slip that he hadn't intended to tell her. Since when did the wolf youkai have so many secrets?  
  
"You said…you said you were watching over me. What do you mean by that?" Kagura demanded. Kouga didn't respond for a long time, and she thought that maybe, like so many other things, he'd simply refuse to tell her. It wasn't surprising, as it was really his only way to control his life these days.  
  
"I did." He finally told her. "Do you really think I just…left you?"  
  
"Yes, of course I thought that!" she yelled at him, upset that he'd let her believe some lie. "I didn't see you for three months. What was I supposed to think?"  
  
"That I was a coward." He answered. "That I loved you, but that there was something that made me afraid of being your mate."  
  
"You? Afraid? Of what?" Kagura asked incredulously.  
  
"Of losing you." He answered simply.  
  
"You thought…I would leave you?" Kagura laughed at this thought, though a bit nervously. "Didn't you stop to think that I loved you?"  
  
Kouga winced at her use of the past tense. "No, that's not what I mean." Kouga told her. "I was afraid that…you might be hurt, since I'm not…you know, the only wolf youkai. If I took you back, then I would be risking you. And I just…I couldn't do it. And then, if I left the tribe…something could happen. And then it would be my fault. I didn't know what to do, so I thought I could try to take care of you both."  
  
"How?" Kagura asked.  
  
"I was still leader of the wolf tribe, but about half the time, I was gone." Kouga explained a bit sheepishly. "I was…I came here. I watched you. I thought that this way…it would be enough."  
  
"Enough for you?" Kagura asked bitterly. "You got to see me, but I thought I was never going to see you again. I thought…I'd have your child…and I was sure it would look…so much like you…" Kouga realized that Kagura was crying now, speaking in gulping sobs. "I'd see it everyday, and…I'd always have to…remember how you promised…promised I'd never be alone…and you left me."  
  
"Kagura…I'm sorry." Kouga told her, his eyes genuine.  
  
"It isn't enough." She told him. "I don't know how I can forgive you."  
  
"I don't know either. I've tried my hardest, but I guess you won't ever forget." Kouga sighed, closing his eyes to go to sleep.  
  
"Maybe…someday." Kagura murmured as she too drifted to sleep.  
  
*****  
  
The End (Of Part 8 That Is) 


	9. Mates

Okay…at the risk of turning out like Jade, the Queen of Empty Promises, (I can tease her, she's _my_ imouto-chan!) I'm going to say that this baby (the story, not Kagura and Kouga's baby you silly readers) is gonna be finished by the end of this week.  We'll say that the week ends on Sunday to give me some leeway and some weekend time.  The way I've been churning out chapters, I don't think that'll be too hard.  But then…I _do_ have another Biology midterm this week (okay, how can they justify a midterm three weeks from the end of the term???) and so stress levels have risen due to that factor.  This story relaxes me though, so it's good…um…therapy?  Sure.  Oh…and I spent like…a stupid amount of time trying to decide between two song quotes for the beginning of this chapter, so in the end I just kept them both.

*****

Love to Hate You

Part  9

*****

_Remember today  
I've no respect for you  
And I miss you love_

_I love the way you love  
But I hate the way  
I'm supposed to love you back_

-Silverchair _Miss You Love_

_I was cryin' when I met you _

_Now I'm tryin' to forget you _

_Your love is sweet misery _

_I was cryin' just to get you _

_Now I'm dyin' to let you _

Do what you do what you do down to me 

-Aerosmith _Cryin_

Kouga watched Kagura carefully as he swept the dirt floor without being told.  He knew that she expected him to do that after breakfast, so he did it in hopes of avoiding her displeasure.  But Kagura didn't seem to notice.  She was very distracted lately.  Over the past few weeks, she had slowly grown less vicious than usual.  It started with her simply going to sleep every night instead of staying awake while he swept to insult and criticize him.  And then she started to forget to offer criticism for every meal.  She still criticized his cooking at least once a day, but it was strange.  At first, he wondered if she was going to forgive him.  But she seemed so withdrawn; he started to wonder if perhaps something was wrong with her.  Of course, the thought of his mate falling ill, especially while she was pregnant with his child was something that worried Kouga to no end.  Therefore, he was always trying to keep an eye on her, looking for some symptoms of ill health to give his concerns a more solid basis.

And it wasn't hard to see that she was carrying his child these days.  She still had a way to go, but her condition was visibly obvious at this point.  Kagura didn't seem all too pleased that her robes didn't fit the way she was used to, but Kouga couldn't get enough of looking at her.  He hadn't thought that he could love her more than he did, but now it seemed like his heart would explode every time he saw her.  _It must be just knowing that she carries my child…being able to see it.  Because I guess…even though I've never seen it, I know that I love this child also._  Kouga paused his movements to stare at her as she walked slowly back to rest on her futon.  He forgot to look away, and she caught him staring at her.  Kagura glared at him.

"What are you looking at?" she wanted to know.  "It's your fault I look like this."

"I didn't mean to…" Kouga stopped suddenly, realizing what she said.  "I mean…I can't help it.  Staring, I mean."

"Think it's funny?" Kagura crossed her arms angrily.

"No." Kouga answered simply.  "I like…I like how you look."

"You…like it?" Kagura arched an eyebrow skeptically.  "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean…when I see you…" Kouga shook his hands, finding himself unable to explain how it felt.  He dropped his broom and walked to where Kagura sat on her futon, cautiously reaching forward.  When she didn't stop him, he rested a hand on her rounded stomach.  He'd been wanting to feel it as soon as he'd noticed that it had begun to swell with the size of the child inside.  "When I see you like this, I can see my child." He attempted an explanation.  "I can see…I can see proof that you're mine…that we're mates, no matter how you treat me now.  This is what really matters, you see?  This child." Kouga stroked the strained stomach lovingly.  "And I know that you can't forgive me, and that you don't want me…but when I see you like this…I can see that at least you used to love me."  Kouga looked up and suddenly realized that he was showing unwanted affection again, and he'd likely have to sleep outside once more.  "I'm sorry."  He apologized, pulling away.  "I'll finish the floor."

"Kouga?" she spoke up as soon as he lifted the broom.  He looked back at her cautiously, but she didn't seem to be angry.

"Yeah?" he replied, finishing his chore quickly as she tried to find the words she wanted to say.

"I don't…you can…sometimes…I want…" she wandered through her thoughts, trying to explain how she felt.  "I'm not mad."

"What?" Kouga almost dropped the broom, not really believing what she said.

"I want…I want you to believe in me again." She told him, tears in her eyes.  "I want you to tell me your secrets.  I want you to climb into bed with me and hold me close to you and…just let me hear the sound of your voice.  I want you to just…to just hug me for no reason except that you felt like it.  I want you to stay…I don't want to push you away.  I can't stay angry with you anymore.  It's pointless."  She admitted.  "I love you too much."

"You…" Kouga didn't know what to say.  He'd been waiting so long, _so long_ to hear her finally forgive him.  He really had started to believe that it would never happen.  And now…he was lost for words.

"Kouga?" she stood up with only minor difficulty, moving toward him.  "You made me angry…when you left me.  I cried…I hated it.  I thought you used me and that you'd never come back.  And then one day you showed up, expecting me to just forget.  I couldn't…I couldn't do it.  But you see…even though I was mad, I never stopped loving you.  If I didn't care, then I never would have been mad at all.  And I just…I miss you!" she burst into tears, lunging into his arms and sobbing on his chest, releasing all the emotions she'd been holding back for so long.  "And when you told me…about your tribe…and how you watched me…I felt…like I'd been so unfair."  Her tears brought Kouga back to reality, and he held her close, pressing his lips to her hair and whispering words of comfort to her.

"Shh, it's okay." Kouga told her.  "I _did_ deserve it.  I left you."

"You gave…up everything to be with me!"  Kagura sobbed.  "And…I almost drove you away!  I was so stupid."

"I told you that I'd never leave, didn't I?" Kouga stroked her hair softly.  "I can't leave you."

"Because…I have something of yours?" she spoke up unsurely, her tears slowing when she realized he wasn't upset with how she'd treated him.

"That's right." He smiled down at her tear-streaked face.  "Even now…even now, with your face all red, you're so beautiful." Kouga sighed as he moved a lock of hair aside needlessly.  "You'll always be beautiful."

"Kouga…will you tell me?" Kagura asked, blushing from his compliments.  "Will you tell me what it is that I have?"

"You have all of me." He told her.  "I'm your mate, and so I belong to you just as you belong to me."  Kagura smiled slowly at this.

"I won't lose you will I?" she asked, still wanting to be reassured.

"Never." He smiled again before leaning down to kiss her.

----------

"Kouga?" Kagura blinked wearily as she lay in bed, her mate nestled behind her with his arms around her waist, hands protectively resting against her distended belly.

"Mate?" he replied, only sounding a bit sleepy.  Kagura blushed at the affectionate term that he'd been using ever since she forgave him a month ago.  He'd been using it for a month, and yet it still made her feel warm to hear him say it.  "Not asleep yet?" he rubbed her stomach in a combination of comfort and affection.

"No…I was just thinking." She answered, nestling deeper into his warm embrace.  "I wanted to ask you something…"

"Ask away." He yawned and then nuzzled her neck softly.

"Okay…but I think you'll say no." Kagura explained cryptically.  "Because…that's the way you are."

"Well what is it?" he asked, sounding slightly amused at her unsure nature.  "Did you want a favor?"

"Um…sort of." She nodded slightly.

"Then ask for it." Kouga laughed at her hesitance.  "Why so nervous?"

"Because…it's something that I think you want a lot, but you'll say no…because of me." Kagura told him.

"Well, if you don't ask me, I'll never say yes, will I?" Kouga pointed out, kissing her jaw warmly.

"I guess you're right." Kagura licked her lips and turned in her arms so she was facing him.  "So…I was wondering…you know, this hut is fine for the two of us…"

"But it's too small for a baby?" Kouga finished for her.  Kagura nodded enthusiastically.

"Exactly!  So…I was thinking…maybe we could go…live with the wolf tribe?" she pouted as well as she could, jutting out her lip pitifully and blinking large red eyes at him in pleading.  Kouga was silent for a long moment, and she thought that maybe, despite her efforts, he'd say no.

"You…want to go there?" he asked, sounding a bit shocked.

"Why not?"  Kagura asked.  "It'd be better than this shabby old hut.  Right?" she asked.

"Yeah…but it's just that…I thought you wouldn't want to confront the rest of the tribe." Kouga explained.  "I know now that I can protect you no matter what, but I'm just afraid…"

"But you're their leader, Kouga." Kagura told him.  "I don't remember much…before.  But I do remember that to them, your word was always law.  They may seem a bit crude and rough around the edges, but they're your people, Kouga.  You were raised to lead them.  I know you want to go back, so I do too."

"I do…but I thought you'd be afraid." He admitted.

"You'll be there." She snuggled into his chest.  "I'm not afraid of anything."

"Kagura…" Kouga marveled at how she trusted him, even with her life.  "I love you, mate."

"I love you too." She smiled as he bent to lick at the scarred mark on the neck that he'd given her after they'd made up, saying that now she really was his mate, for everyone to see.  The tiny teeth marks had not been very painful, and the joy at what they meant far outweighed the slight discomfort they had caused her for a few days.

"Ne, Kagura." He lifted his head to look in her eyes.  "You have to start thinking about it, okay?"

"About what?" she asked, not following his change in subject.

"This." He rubbed the flesh of her stomach lovingly.  "We'll have to name it, you know."

"Oh…that's right." She flushed, feeling silly that she hadn't even thought of that before.  "How is it done?  I've never…really had any experience in these things."

"In my tribe, the woman is allowed to name the child, but sometimes, if the man doesn't like her choice, he can ask her to change it.  But it's really up to her.  She carried the child, so she's supposed to be closer to it, and that means she'll be better able to give it a fitting name." Kouga explained.

"I hope that it's a boy, so he can be your heir." Kagura blushed as she spoke.  Kouga smiled at her warmly.

"Don't worry about that.  Some guys want a boy first, but I don't really care, long as it looks like you, mate." He told her, causing her blush to deepen as he placed soft kisses on her face.

"First…you mean…like we'll have more?" Kagura sounded hopeful, but also unsure.

"How many do you want?" Kouga asked her, his grin becoming positively wicked.

"I don't know…I never really thought about it." Kagura admitted.  "How about you?"  Kouga looked deep into her eyes, as though considering her carefully.

"How's…hmm…how does twenty sound?" Kouga teased, his voice perfectly serious, but the mischievous grin giving him away.  Kagura gasped in shock before realizing he was teasing.

"Fine then, but I'm not carrying all of them." She teased back.  "You can have all the boys and I'll have all the girls."

"Deal." He agreed.  "That way, the girls'll be more like you." He nibbled at her throat, "So we'll just have nineteen girls and one boy."

"Only one boy?" she arched an eyebrow.  "How could you want to deal with that many girls?"

"They'll be like you, so I won't mind.  Nineteen tiny Kagura's." he smiled at her again, kissing her cheek.

"And I only get one little Kouga?  That's not fair." Kagura pouted jokingly.

"Trust me, more than one and they'll end up killing each other."  Kouga advised.  "Noisy little brats."

"Maybe, but they'd be _so_ cute." Kagura knew how to win this battle.  "With those eyes, and that cute little tail." She let her hand drift over to the furry appendage that was always around her waist when they slept together.  She petted it gently, knowing just how Kouga liked it and soon causing him to shut his eyes and lick his lips in contented, mindless joy.  She innocently continued her way up his tail, but then her hand "slipped" and caressed a different bit of her mate.

"Kagura!" his eyes widened and he yelped, practically leaping out of the futon, though he was still naked, his hair and tail mussed, his hands lowered desperately in an attempt to block himself from her view.  As though she hadn't seen him naked before.  Silly man.  "Don't do that, dammit!"  He was quite serious, but she was giggling helplessly.  "Dammit, this isn't funny!  You know we can't do anything…like that 'til after the baby comes!"

"Such a reaction from a little slip of the hand, dear me, Kouga!" Kagura attempted to mock him with a straight face, but the utter panic on his face was just too priceless.  "And then you go on like you didn't like it, when it's quite obvious that it's a lie." She pointed toward his feebly covered lower regions and he growled, both in frustration and anger.

"Damn, woman!  Do you even know how long I've been…dammit, if I couldn't control myself so well, I'd be all over you right now!  That's not funny!" He wanted her to stop laughing, but obviously that wasn't happening anytime soon.  Pouting, Kouga turned around to find his clothes, letting his blood cool as he did so.  Finally, Kagura stopped laughing as he got dressed.

"What are you doing?" she wanted to know.

"Sleeping on the floor." He told her, sitting down with a huff in his long unused spot on the ground.

"Oh, Kouga, don't be like that." She pouted, her voice full of false remorse.  "I won't do it again.  I was just…fooling around."

"It's not funny!  I've gone without that kind of thing for…seven months now, and it's not funny when you tease me like that!" Kouga told her.  There was a long silence, and when Kagura spoke again, she'd left the act behind and was now speaking in a very threatening tone.

"Fine, sleep on the floor.  And you'll just have to wait an extra two months after the baby is born to come _near_ me." She told him.

"You wouldn't…" Kouga sounded a bit unsure.  "You'd never be able to hold out that long."

"Ha!  You find yourself _that_ irresistible, dear mate?" Kagura laughed.  "Just try me.  Go ahead."  There was another long pause before Kouga got up, stripped back down and came to bed, grumbling about how cruel women were.

"I hate you." He pouted, nestling against her and wrapping his arms back around her waist.  "I'm not kissing you for…two months!" he gave her his ultimatum.

"Yeah, okay." Kagura giggled.  "We'll see how long you hold out on that one." She turned in his arms, teasing his firmly shut mouth with her lips before suckling at his throat.  Finally, he growled impatiently and pulled her lips to his.  When they broke, she raised an eyebrow at him in question.

"That one…didn't count." He justified, setting his face in a firm pout.  Kagura giggled and wrapped her arms around him, nestling against his chest.

"Of course not, love." She murmured, letting herself finally drift to sleep as she thought of how lucky she was to have Kouga here with her at that moment and all others.  It was worth the compromise to her pride to be happy now with the man she knew she would always love.

*****

The End (Of Part 9 That Is)

Okay, I think Kouga should've called Kagura on that no sex punishment.  There's no way in all seven _hells_ she'd be able to say no to hot Kouga for two months straight!  What a liar!  Um…yeah, there shouldn't be much left now.  We're reaching the home stretch.  Oh!  And in case anyone's wondering, that whole thing with Kouga and the stars and the hand…I'm not explaining that until Fate's Reversal (sequel to To Finally Let Go) so you'll have to just wait.  Why?  Because…I am evil!  EVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLL!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! FEAR MEEEEEEE!!!!  Um…yeah.


	10. Family

I'm back…._with a vengeance!_  No, not really.  But I am _back_ at least.  I finished my Japanese in like ten minutes soooo, here I am!  Ready to go….eat something….hmm…do I have food in here?  No…it seems I've eaten it all.  Damn.  Okay, well, I'll just write and that'll make me forget.  Oh, yeah, this is the last chapter, so you should...um…savor every tasty morsel?

*****

Love To Hate You

Part 10

*****

In my mind  
Everything we did was right  
Open your eyes, I'll still be by your side  
How could I ever have been so blind?  
You give me something to sleep to at night 

_You give me something to sleep to  
And all I know is  
You give me something to dream to_

_When I'm all alone and blue  
Don't leave me now_

-Michelle Branch _Something to Sleep to_

"Kagura-nee-san?" Sanka rushed over to the leader's mate, Kagura.  She was granted a high position because of Kouga's relationship to her, and so the other wolves had accepted her immediately as one of them.  Sanka remembered her vaguely as being an old enemy of the tribe, but if Kouga was her mate, he had no questions to ask about it.  "Are you feeling okay?  Maybe you should lay down?"

"Oi, don't touch her." Kouga was there in an instant, his arms going around his mate's waist.  She rolled her eyes at the turmoil she could cause by only stumbling over a rock in her path.  "Kagura, are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm just fine, Kouga." Kagura answered.  "I only tripped.  Probably because I can't see anything around this stupid…" she indicated her heavily pregnant stomach.

"Anytime now, huh?" Kouga asked, his mouth going up in an almost dopily enthusiastic grin that the other wolves dare not tease him about.  At that moment, Kouga seemed to _notice_ the other wolves, and he flushed slightly at his behavior before growling slightly, causing them to disperse in such a way that Kagura and Kouga were conveniently alone.  Yes, being the mate to the leader of this tribe had its advantages.

"I think I'm close, yes." She smiled softly up at him, resting one hand on her stomach.  "Mikan said it could be any day now." She referred to one of the other seldom seen women of the wolf tribe.  Of all the women, Kagura was the only one allowed out of the inner caves most of the time.  The others had protected regions they were allowed to be in, but they never got to stay in the men's caves.  They only saw their mates when the men came to visit _them._  When Kagura learned of this custom, she'd been very upset that she couldn't actually _live_ with Kouga, until he said that since he was the leader, he made his own rules.  She could tell the men were still nervous about her presence in their caves, but that was nothing to how they reacted when Kouga, refusing to go to the women's caves, had sent for the midwife, Mikan, to come into the men's caves as well to check on Kagura regularly.  All of them had gaped as one of the other men, a shy, low level wolf named Hitotsu, came out of the women's caves with the unruffled looking midwife at his side.  Mikan had not seemed to notice the looks she was receiving.  And though Kagura had worried that Mikan might be scared to come, she knew that Kouga was right when he said that, in her advanced condition, she shouldn't be traversing the rocky, narrow passage that connected the two sets of caves.  It was quite something to watch the midwife that first time that she came for Kagura, though.  She seemed to be very calm, as though she went into the men's caves every day.  Later, when Kagura had asked Kouga why they had separate caves at all, he explained rather crudely that it was to keep adolescent males going into heat for the first time without a mate away from their female relatives.

"You should have seen what it was like before.  Sisters getting raped, mothers waking up to their own sons trying to climb all over them.  Disgusting." Kouga had told her distastefully.  "Wolves…when they go into heat, they get very desperate as it progresses.  It's always worst the first time, since they don't know what's going on, really.  They just feel like they wanna rut with every female they can find.  This way we can keep the young men away from the little girls that don't know to run away when they have that look in their eyes."

That had made Kagura a little nervous until Kouga assured her that she'd be able to smell when someone was in heat, explaining that it wouldn't be much of an issue until spring came again.  Apparently, that was when most males were "in season," or so Kouga told her.  He'd seemed to think the whole business was very much below him, and thinking of it now, Kagura wondered something aloud.

"Ne, Kouga, have you…do you go into heat…like the others?" Kagura wanted to know.  The way he talked about it, it seemed as though he was somehow above those "disgusting" males who couldn't help their urges.

"What?!" Kouga's blue eyes bugged out in shock at her question.  "Woman, why would you ask me that?"

"Well, you make it sound like it's not your problem." She explained, feeling a bit silly for asking now.

"Of course I have!  Dammit, asking a man that…makes me feel like you wonder…if I can even…" Kouga couldn't say the words, but Kagura caught his meaning.

"I'd already know, wouldn't I?" she patted her stomach in reminder.  Her face faded from the slow smile it had been in.  "I just…wanted to know if you ever…did things with other women.  Because…you know…of that."

"Feh!  Of course not!" Kouga sounded just as offended as before, but he was quickly forgiving, as Kagura didn't know the ways of wolf youkai, or of most any youkai, for that matter.  "Wolves are…I hate admitting it, but wolf youkai and dog youkai are pretty closely related.  Dog youkai…when they mate, it's for life, see?" he explained to her, making sure she understood.  "Now, we're not that uptight about it, but the leaders of the pack always have to find one strong woman and stay with her for life.  There's no double mates or any of that shit when you're in my position.  And see…you know how I was prince of the tribe?  That title says that even though I'm leader, I've got no life-mate yet.  Some leaders have died princes, cause you have to be really careful when you pick your mate.  My mother and father…they were both from the lead families of two different packs.  It isn't required that mates come from high families, just that they're strong women you want to spend your life with.  My mother and father…that was sort of a coincidence.  Maybe I'll tell you the story sometime.  It used to be…kind of a legend, how they met.  They were good parents to me, better than most.  My father, he refused to let mother sleep in the women's caves when the split first happened.  I think…maybe he'd like to meet you."

"You've never talked about your parents before." Kagura told him, happy to hear about them.  "Except that time…when we first slept together." She smiled warmly up at her mate.  "You have to promise me that you'll tell me all your stories, all your secrets."

"We have time." Kouga told her, smiling back.  "The rest of our lives." He leaned down to kiss her forehead softly just as a young male accidentally walked in on them, yipped in shock and froze at their inquisitive looks.

"Su—sumimasen, Kouga, Kagura-nee-san.  I didn't know…" the young man named Mikka cast nervous glances between the two.

"Move along then." Kouga urged him, suppressing an amused grin as he turned back to his mate.  "I can't believe it still."

"What?" she asked.

"All of them.  I tell them you're my mate.  I explain that you were an old enemy to get it all out in the open, but they don't ask a damn question about how I mated an enemy.  And now…like you're their sister.  They may be my people, but that doesn't mean I understand a damn thing about them."

"Would you rather that they tried to hurt me?" Kagura asked teasingly.  "So then you could protect me and show me how strong and wonderful you are?"

"That's not…what I meant." Kouga looked a bit confused by this accusation.

"Don't worry, love." She smiled at him reassuringly.  "I already know you're the best." She told him, standing up on tiptoes for a kiss.  But the kiss never came.  She stopped halfway, her eyes bulging in surprise as an odd scent reached Kouga.

"Kagura?  Mate?  Are you alright?" his arms went tight around her, ready to carry her back to their furs despite any protest she might offer.  "You look…something's wrong."

"I'm fine…" she managed to get over her shock as she realized what was happening.  "We need to get back to your private den.  And…Mikan, send for her."

"Kagura, what's wrong?" he asked, but he was already guiding her back to his private den aside from the main caves.

"The child…it's coming." She explained, looking a bit worried about how well she'd be able to handle this process so foreign to her.

"Right—right _now_?" Kouga yelped a bit shakily, hurrying her along.  The other wolves noticed their strange behavior and began to whisper amongst themselves.  Kouga snarled at their stupid behavior.  "Oi, you, Yokka!" he called out to a nearby wolf.  "Go get the birthing woman."

"M—Mikan?" the wolf ran a hand through his disheveled hair.  "Right now?"

"Yes, right now!" Kouga snapped at him.  "Go!"

"Kouga!" Sanka ran up to the irritated leader as they reached the entrance to his private den.  "Is it time?  For Kagura-nee-san?" he asked.

"Of course!"  Kouga snarled.  "Don't ask stupid questions.  Make sure everyone stays away from here or I'll kick their ass." Kouga ordered.  Sanka's eyes went wide before he ran off to tell the others.  Kouga turned his attention back to his mate, taking her inside the den and laying her carefully on their furs so that she might be comfortable.

"I'm okay, don't fuss over me." Kagura smiled up at Kouga as he pulled the furs up around her gently.

"You're my mate." He told her, brushing her hair back with one hand.  "I'm supposed to take care of you.  And I just want to remember how you look right now."

"Why?" she asked, confused.

"When Mikan comes, I have to leave." Kouga explained just as said midwife arrived.

"That's right, Kouga, now get out of here." The elderly woman told him, her face all business.

"I have to go now." Kouga told her.

"But why?" Kagura's brow furrowed.

"In the wolf tribe…there's a great amount of power associated with birth.  It's supposedly not safe for men to be nearby when it takes place." Kouga explained, but it was obvious from the look on his face what he thought of this tradition.  "Don't worry, I'll be back as soon as it's ended."

"Now get going." Mikan urged impatiently.  She was one of the few wolves not intimidated by Kouga, but then, she had helped his mother birth him, so it wasn't surprising.

"I'll see you after." Kagura pulled him in for a kiss before he was practically thrown out of the den by an impatient midwife.

----------

"I can't take this anymore." Kouga growled as he stood up, dropping the remains of his dinner carelessly to the side.  Sanka, who had decided to try and watch Kouga while Kagura was birthing, looked up at him in surprise.  "There's no way this is normal.  She's been in there most of the day."

"What do you mean?" Sanka asked.  None of the men were allowed to be present for birthing, so none of them were quite sure how long it was supposed to take.

"I'm the leader, dammit." He snarled, heading toward his den with Sanka following along curiously.  "If I want to see my mate when she's birthing, no one can stop me."

"But…but Kouga…" Sanka protested.  "It's dangerous!  I heard that if you go in…if you go in on a birthing, that you aren't…a _man_ anymore." Sanka's eyes widened to emphasize how the prospect terrified him.

"That's the biggest load of shit I've ever heard." Kouga stopped about ten feet from his den.  "I'm going in, and you can't stop me with any of your stupid little superstitions."

"I'm not going in!" Sanka protested in a yelp.

"Feh!  Like I'd want you in there!" Kouga snorted, giving the quiet entrance to his den a wary glance.  Just then, a shrill scream pierced the air, causing both men to straighten up and stare at each other, their eyes full of worried confusion.  "That's it!" Kouga took this as a sign that Kagura must need him desperately, and thinking this, he lunged forward to burst into the hut, only to be cut off by an extremely irritated looking Mikan.

"No, Kouga.  It's not time yet.  You can't come in.  I'm quite busy, go play with your friend and let me attend to your mate." Mikan told him in a very authoritative tone.

"Fuck that!  I'm going in there!  I heard her—" Kouga began, but another scream cut him off.  "See?  She needs me!"

"She needs _me_ right now, you idiot man.  The only thing you'll do if you go in there is get in the way." Mikan slapped him upside the head, turned and reentered the den, leaving Sanka and Kouga to stare at each other in disbelief.

"I thought…wow…she's scary." Sanka finally spoke up.  Kouga didn't say anything, but grunted slightly.

"I…I think I'll wait till she's done." He did his best to make it sound as though he'd really had the choice.

----------

"Kouga, you great lump." Mikan nudged the sleeping youkai with her foot and rolled her eyes.  "Get up!  Unless you don't want to see your son."

"Son?  Huh?  Where's Kagura?  Where's the baby?  Is it over?" Kouga leapt up suddenly from where he'd been sleeping in his niche in the main caves.  "What's going on?"

"Come on, idiot boy." Mikan beckoned for Kouga to follow her, and he did so, only grumbling slightly at the lack of respect shown to him by the woman.  After all, she was the tribe's midwife, and everyone could understand why it was hard for her to show fear and respect to wolves she'd delivered herself.  It was Mikan, and that's the way she'd always been.  She turned and smiled at him before opening the flap of hide that covered the opening to his private den.  Kouga was so impatient, he was practically hopping from foot to foot as he waited to enter his den.  But he had to admit, the sight that greeted him was well worth the wait.

"Hello, love." Kagura smiled wearily at him from where she was nestled in their furs, a tiny bundle of cloth nestled in her arms.  From across the den, Yachou squawked a greeting as well.  Kouga almost cursed at the crow that had been allowed to stay through the birth even though _he'd_ been forced to leave.  But the sight of his mate and his first child resting in his furs, waiting for him…it was too much for Kouga, and he couldn't make himself curse at the bird as he usually did.

"Mate," Kouga crawled next to her, climbing into the furs beside her and leaning over to get a better view of the child she held.  Mikan, knowing her work was done, exited discreetly to return to the women's caves.

"Yuki, dearest," Kagura cooed at the small bundle, "look, it's your daddy!"

"Yuki." Kouga blushed slightly, at the fact that their child was named "snow."

"Is…is it a good name?" she asked.

"It's perfect." Kouga assured her.  "Let me see him, then."

"Here, you can hold him." Kagura handed the bundle over to her mate, who handled it delicately, pulling the blanket away from the child's face to get a better look at the drowsy infant.  Kagura watched as Kouga examined his son's face, seizing him up carefully as the child blinked lazily up at him.

"Red eyes…just like you." Kouga seemed very pleased at this discovery.

"Yes, but look at his face, love." Kagura's finger traced the lines of the child's pudgy face.  "I told Mikan that I thought he looked a bit like you, though it's hard to tell since I never saw you as a baby.  She said that he looks almost exactly like you.  The perfect mix of both of us."

"Perfect…yeah." Kouga smiled down at his son, who yawned and closed his eyes to go back to sleep.  "Kagura, do you see what we've done.  We made this." He indicated the sleeping Yuki.  She smiled and nodded, her fingers brushing lightly over thin wisps of black hair on the baby's head.

"I love you, Kouga."  She told him.  "I want for it to always be like this.  The three of us, a family.  I know…I won't ever be alone now."

"No, you never will, mate." Kouga kissed her softly.  "And whenever you feel lonely, we can just have another one."

"Oh that's right, twenty, was it?" Kagura pursed her lips in mock irritation.  "You know what I went through just now?  I hate you."

"About as much as I hate you." He teased her.  "And I love it."

"You love to hate me?" she asked, laughing at how silly that sounded.

"No, not anymore.  Now I just love you." He told her, kissing his mate once more before falling asleep with her and Yuki.  His family, his love, his whole world.

*****

THE END!!!!

God, there were times I thought I'd NEVER finish!  But I did it!  Now, for those of you who weren't aware, this was a companion piece to another story of mine, To Finally Let Go, where I introduced Kouga/Kagura and Yuki in the last chapter with basically _no_ explanation, because I mean, this was the BEST way to explain it.  Now my next work will be Fate's Reversal, a sequel to both of these stories, which centers around Yuki, Tsuyo and Sekatsu (Miroku and Sango's twin boys) and Haruka (Inuyasha and Kagome's daughter).  Now, in case you're thinking, "Original characters?  Screw _that_!" I'd just like you to know that it isn't _all_ about them, and…oh, the plot is super duper!  I'm so pumped!  Oh, and it will elucidate that whole thing with the hand and the stars, as well as the story of Kouga's parents!  Hope you liked this one, and hope to see you reading Fate's Reversal.  Ja ne!


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